Indifference: The power of it in Dating and Relationships

This blog post is totally inspired by a client of mine, who despite something bad happening, kept a total attitude of indifference, despite a terrible event. 

So it got me thinking, yes indifference is so important, especially in the world of dating, and also in the world of relationships, and marriages. . 

What I wanted to do is blog about the importance of it, and how we can get there, whether we are single and dating, in a relationship and married. 

Single and Dating. 

“How hot is the singer,” That’s a line I gave to my friend last night. Why We love a good cover band, and the singer was hot, so ‘F it. 

It got me thinking, how do you develop that feeling of indifference to just be able to go up to a girl, say it and call it a day. 

Well if you felt truly indifferent and were just saying hey the singer is hot, (yes it was a dude, who cares) you’d be thinking hey, whatever he’s hot I’m just saying. 

And you know what if a girl reacted with a face, or a less than comment, or as I like to say a shit sandwich, I’m sorry, in the most respectful way that's her problem. 

Why? Because that’s how she's feeling at that moment, it’s totally not your problem. 

So what would you say if you felt indifferent…

And just wanted to point out, hey the singer is hot? You’d walk right up to that girl, or just smile, and say, “Not for nothing, how hot is the singer.”

Boom, you did it, you showed up, remember guys, the goal is not perfection, I’m not Mystery, Todd, or even Corey. I’m a therapist, who writes about emotions, and experiences, so you can work through these things. 

What about indifference, when ready to ask that girl out? If you felt indifferent, you might just think, hey I gotta ask. What might you say?

Hey you are really cute, I’d love to take you out for a drink (then you just zip it), put yourself out there, see what happens. If they come back rude (worst case scenario,, and also unlikely), then not for nothing that truly is their problem. 

Think about it, if someone gave you a compliment, and you responded bluntly, rudely, or dismissively, that says a lot more about you in that moment, if you are being given a compliment. 

What about when you went on two or three dates and really liked this girl?

How do we develop that indifference? We’ll start with keeping it real with yourself, you know I liked that girl, I had fun and wanna see her again. 

What I like about this is you are keeping it real in a way with yourself, but at the same time not, over emphasizing, or over-doing your emotions with the girl…

I like her, I had fun, I wanna see her again, simple. 

Then if you were really indifferent, you’d say hey I like her it’d be cool if I saw her again (indifference), next week, by Wednesday at 7pm, I’m gonna give her a call, ask her out, and see what happens. 

Guy’s I’m not going to lie, the emotions of dating are real, especially after you like that girl a couple of dates in and really want to see her again, and are jumping on the edge of your seat, when you’ll hear from her again, or will you get that next date.

These are our emotions, they’re natural, normal. It’s just a question of mastering them, so you can feel less of their intensity, have a cool, calm thought, and a nice and simple plan (actually I kind of like the Simple Plan)

But what if you are married? And struggling to feel love, ease and fun in your marriage?

How do you get that indifference?

Well if you are married, and in a less than happy marriage, or average one, indifference probably starts with accepting the reality. 

Indifference might even be knowing you can get angry, annoyed, and feel like your wife is just mean and rude. But if instead of feeling anger and losing your patience, and arguing, you just had infinite patience.

Indifference is the patience to know I am going to do things different, not get angry, be cool and slowly start changing how I show up in my marriage.

Indifference is knowing, it’s not going to change overnight, but I am going to do things differently.

If you were truly indifferent about how your wife responded, and at the same time really wanted to turn around your marriage you might think…

Hey you know what, I wanna do better, and I can be patient and wait, and wait and wait, until slowly my wife sees and really feels the changes I’m making

Indifference: No matter what, I am walking in that door when I get home, smiling and saying Hey baby, how was your day?

Why? Because I might not get the response I want, or the love I want to feel yet, but I know I want to change, make things better, and will do the simple action. 

I’m indifferent about how my wife responds, I know I want to do better, and I’m showing her. 

You may even tell her, Hey babe, I know I haven’t been my best and things aren’t the same, but I’m your husband and I wanna do better, and I’m going too.

Boom, You’re indifferent, you kept it real, acknowledged your fault, and now are making a plan and slowly implementing it to do better. 

In marriage indifference really is the patience, infinite patience, to make those small changes, and the infinite patience you must have for your wife to start to not just feel the different way you are showing up, but then also respond differently to the new you, or new behavior.

So guys and girls, I wanna hear from you. If you were indifferent about a situation, what would it look like,, what it sounds like, what would you do?

My service is a dating and relationship service, for men who are single and dating, or want a better marriage/ relationship. Of course as if you want to work together I do offer couples counseling as well.  

If you’d like to submit a question or post click here to email me with your question for a future blog post. 

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