Dating and Relationships: Sitting in the negative emotion, and coming out of it
First the personal example,
Yesterday I felt a little angry, even annoyed. Why, well the plans I thought I made with my girl for the fourth of July, turned out to be a group date, I didn’t know at the time.
Guess What, she apologized. Still I’m the one writing, the blog, and carving out this business, and I’m the one who showed anger. The next day I was mad at myself.
I also still was annoyed at the same time that what I thought was a cool time for me with her, was going to be a group outing.
Guess what, I came out of it.
How? First I sat in it, then you can figure it out. I went from being annoyed at myself and then at the plans to indifferent.
What really happened? The emotion flipped, I went from just feeling annoyed to indifferent, and then the thought changed…It’s just the beach with some friends.
FEEEELing the emotions in dating…
In Dating and in Relationships: You are going to FEEEL emotions, men it happens, the good and the bad, you gotta deal with it, and recognize when you are able to come out of it.
Here’s the relationship example; If you felt anger or showed your wife anger, or even annoyance, you felt it, then take a day, take 24 hours, change that negative emotion to the opposite, and I promise you the thought will change.
Example: Hey babe, you know my bad, it wasn’t cool of me to be angry the other day at you for (insert whatever you got angry about). Boom you did it, you apologized, it wasn’t a big deal, you moved it forward and also kept it real.
You didn’t beg, chase, gravel, or compromise your value or beliefs, you simply said, hey I was angry, and did that, that’s not o.k.
Remember guys:
Your just apologizing for an EMOTION, that You Showed!, not what actually got you upset.
How about that one step further: How do you flip it around, have to hang out with in-laws or friends you don’t care for? Ok, feel annoyed, sit in it, wait in it, and then, when it passes, those emotions go for the new one, ehhh it’s alright, won’t be that bad (thought), along with indifference (feeling).
Let’s also keep it real, emotions weigh heavy on us in our dating and relationship lives.
What about you folks out there dating?
This next little blurb was inspired by one of my clients, he's a cool dude.
He’s been with this girl several times, really likes her, but his emotions are weighing heavy when it comes to her and getting her out on the next date.
We sat in it, kept it real, we’ve all been there and it sucks to have those one to three or four great dates with someone, but can’t seem to get them out.
In this case we had to figure out an action, hey this sucks, this is frustrating,
Sit in it, but have a plan after you’re done sitting.
When it comes to dating, you gotta be able to sit in that emotion and have a plan, in this case, the plan was simple, ehhhh give her a week and just call her.
Wait Joey, Why Call?
Calling says I’m putting you my you know what on the table, in a world that people are constantly hiding behind phone with texting and snapchat.
It’s O.k. to totally have a bad day,
have a bad 24 hours, experiencing pain, sure, experience it, then slowly start to formulate your plan, and then just do better.
Crap yesterday at work, I had a bad day, and then, well I sat in it, and said O.k here is my plan so I can completely make this right.
A lot of times in dating our emotions are going to get there, go to medium, medium high, or even high (a stove top reference), it’s o.k, sit in it, it really is your body saying something has to change or be a little different, an action is needed.
Maybe that action is
going out on a few other dates, Going out and saying to 10 girls, hey you’re cute, what’s your name.
Or Well this feeling sucks, I like this girl, but you know next Wednesday, at 8pm, I’m calling her (day time, and place).
It’s always best to treat your actions like a date (day, time and place), why? It makes sure you are definitely taking that action, and it will help a little bit in lowering that emotional thermometer.
In Summation: Dating is all about having a plan, (action),
dealing with your emotions, and when possible changing or having a new thought (well I guess I’ll call her and invite her out for that date).
Guy’s and girls (some girls may read this), Thanks for reading.
I’m really enjoying coming into my own in this new role as a therapist who is carving out a niche with dating and relationships
If you’d like to tell me your story click here to send me an email, a little blurb, and I’ll get back to you within one business day to set up a day and time we can speak (on the house of course).
If you are married, and want to make things better with your wife, or girlfriend, click here.
