Men in Relationships: You got it let it out to figure it out

The other day I was working with a client feeling very frustrated that his relationship is not exactly where he wants it to be. Often for the clients I do work with in relationships, whether it is a marriage, or a girlfriend, I feel a lot of frustration that their marriage or relationship is not what they want it to be. 

So what’s the reason for this blog post? Well as a therapist, I’m not going to be perfect, and I realized something, I was fighting the room, by just telling him the answer. 

I was actually being hypocritical, I was coaching and guiding him on how to let his girl let out all of her emotions, and simply facilitating good honest communication, and then after I realized, OMG, I didn’t even let him do that in the room with me.

It’s something I repeat a lot in therapy, and it’s such an important tool in the world of dating, relationships, and self-improvement, you have to let it out, so this way you can figure it out. 

Letting it out means the room is yours whether you are blogging, venting to a good friend, or in therapy yourself, you have to let  it out. That means all your frustrations, all your emotions , why you feel exactly the good, the bad, the ugly, the anger, the frustration, the disappointment, the worry.  and then you have to figure it out. 

Figure out what’s next and how to move those emotions forward in your relationship, so that it’s fun, loving, peaceful and easy. 

The trick here, and the real growth is knowing the solution is simple, it’s the emotions we feel especially in that moment, that make it complicated.

Men, if your girl or your wife is angry at you and you want to, ‘Fix it,’ let them empty out their gas tank. No I don’t literally mean a gas tank, their emotional gas tank. If, ‘’You've done messed up,’’ (probably some from a movie I can’t remember), then your wife or girl is going to feel a certain way. 

Let them let it out, all of their emotions, frustration, anger, worry, sadness, disappointment. Because each emotion has an intensity behind it, example frustration could be a 9, anger an 8, worry a 10. Guys, if you really want to improve your marriage or relationship, take an L, when you know you need to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. 

If your girl or wife is feeling a certain way, there’s a reason for it. Just listen, acknowledge her pain (simply, one to two sentences), and just simply tell her you want to hear everything (empty the gas tank, also one to two sentences). 

I promise you, you are only going to feel frustration, if you try to solve the problem, just freaking listen. Take an L, my bad, I know I was an asshole, I shouldn’t have done that, I get it, and then just invite to tell you more. What else are you feeling about it?

Guys I really feel the relationships we have with our wives, or girlfriends, should be the best we can possibly make them, the good times and the bad, whether it is just taking an L cause you said something hurtful, or taking them out (or as I say courting, an example of the good times). 

To be clear I am not saying gravel, beg, cry, no no no. That’s misalignment, and that’s giving of  yourself too much. But guys if you love your girl, your wife, take the L, say my bad, and just tell her you want to hear everything. 

Especially in something that’s serious, like cheating, dishonestly, trust, those things are not going to just heal and go away right away, so you have to be able to say my bad, I know I was an asshole, with the key being, as long as you want to make it right. 

Making it right just means listening, giving your girl the chance to let it out. To be clear, it’s about what you want, if you want to make it right, be with your wife or girlfriend and have the best relationship possible, just do it and keep it simple. 

On the other hand if you feel you no longer want to be in that relationship, listen to that voice too, after all it might (keyword might), be your quiet part out loud. 

You also need to let that out and then figure it out. 

Letting it out and figuring it out, applies to so much more than just a relationship, even if you are dating, let out that frustration, tell someone exactly why, you feel each emotion. Then the best part is after, you can move forward and figure it out. 

Letting it out and figuring it out is something we can all probably (at least I hope you can if you read this much), take with you in any area of your life you feel challenged, frustrated, or just want to grow and do better. 

The next blog post was going to talk about figuring it out, because to me, figuring it out means getting specific, intentional, planning, and a little bit of action. 

So guys if you read this and want a little more content, here are some links below to check out such as my blog page, home page, and services. 

Check out other blog posts here. 

My services include men who are single and dating, marriage counseling, and men who want a better relationship. 

My home page and about page you can just click the tabss above. 

And guys if you want to write to me in an email to answer, click here and send me an email explaining something you want me to answer or discuss in an upcoming blog post, click here.