Single and Dating: You’re Cute, What’s your name?

The inspiration for this blog post came from talking with some close friends, and hanging out with them as my girl is away for a week.

I’ll keep it real, of course I miss my girl, but for me, what I work through is when will I see her again? Will she still choose me?

Well first of all, hell yeah…second of all come on, who else is making homemade mozzarella sticks.

But still where do these thoughts come from, how do we physically feel when they enter our body, and what are things we do or say as a result of it. 

These my friends are our biggest fears, doubts and insecurities, and they all come from ourselves, the way we have wired our brains through our thoughts, emotions we feel, and actions (or inaction) for years.

Here’s the good news in this blog post,

I really do not want to psychoanalyze anyone, or go to childhood fears, traumas, and experiences. No to be honest, as a therapist, I’m more about actionable solutions, like writing this blog (after my procrastinating activity, the shower). 

So, What stops anyone (including myself when I was single) from going up and just saying hi to a girl.

First physically: There is literal physical pain that makes us uncomfortable, the physical sensation as we say in therapy land. 

I’m not here to say:”Men body language, chest out, avoid beer at chest yada yada, yada.” we’ve all been there, done that, and heard the stories.

How about just enjoy the moment, literally the moment the noise around you, the music, the people, you’re friends, you’re drink, the band, the DJ (well maybe not him he probably isn’t playing your favorite tunes).

Just chill out and enjoy the moment, personally I like to go places that have a live cover band, and frozen cocktails (look out for my next blog…Cocktails and Cover bands).

Anyways…Since we are talking about realistic steps, I like to use the example, “Your cute, What’s your name.” Why? cause it rolls off my tongue (or well keyboard if you are being literal now),

But more importantly, you’re the one reading this, What rolls off your tongue?

Enjoying the moment, and simply reciting facts around you, such as my friend John, my Coors light, that dude with the red shirt, that girl in the blue dress. This is a real coping skill in therapy, used to reduce overwhelming emotions, just reciting the facts.

It simply takes your mind off the physical pain or urge or avoidance you are dealing with, by sticking to only the facts.

Pretend (for now) you are at a bar or club, look around arm 's distance, and just look at those immediately at arm distance, (man red shirt, girl, blue dress, John next to me, Fruity Frozen cocktail), it will feel better I promise you and take your mind off the fight or flight you are experiencing by approaching a girl. 

First think of the facts, man red shirt, girl blue dress, then say it, “You’re cute, what’s your name.” Guys, I’ll make it even easier, just say you’re cute, or even if you are not ready look at them and just give a quick smile. 

For those who have been following me, I am a therapist first, so if this seems like “What he is talking about?,” Just remember, I’m putting my therapist voice and insight into what I love, the world of dating and relationships. 

So back to my question, why do we not take that action, that will just make us feel better as man, and no matter what in that moment I showed up for her, and more important for myself. 

It’s that physical pain, it’s that worry of what do I say, do I comment on her drink, is she looking? 

Here’s a better question, what would you do or say, if you were just going to say, “Hey, you’re cute,” and you knew for sure she'd say “Thanks (with a smile)” ... .you'd probably say it!!

If you knew absolutely nothing bad would happen you really would just say it, and you’d feel better. Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day and Kobe Bryant did not become Kobe out of the womb, he had to work at it. 

So guys, if you knew you’d feel better, go home with a smile and proud, and also knew no big deal, I’m just giving a compliment (the thought), you’d go do it! 

What if you’re feeling pain because you doubt you are enough, and instead chose to think of course she’s going to come home later and give me the biggest hug and kiss, you’d say hey baby, have a great time (with a big smile).

If you’re a guy who is interested in working with me one on one you can read more about my services for single and dating men here, and/or email me for a free consultation, or as I like to say a chance to tell me you’re story.  

I also work with couples, and men who want a better marriage or relationship. 

If you’d like to submit a question to my blog, email it here.