The Four Pillars of Mental Health:

To Keep it Real

To keep it real, in August of 2022, I made a life altering decision ending an eight year relationship, with a great person. I realized that personally my relationship (the last pillar), just was not what I wanted it to be, and it was time for a change. 

What followed was a false narrative, that dating would be easy, and I’d be living my best life. Swiping through dating apps, and living like I was in my early to mid 20’s going to the same places, pregaming. What the hell was I doing?

You see this part of my life was actually a complete disaster. Then to make it even worse, I made the best mistake I ever made. I was so desperate to fix my dating and relationship life, I went for a quick fix. It’s honestly the best, and funniest mistake I ever made. 

I don’t want to bore you with a biography or book, you see I am going to save that for later, what I am going to do is tell you guys a little bit how through my journey there really are four layers, four pillars, or as I like to say four burners on the stove top of your mental health. 

Pillar Number One: Your Health

You see, when I made that life-changing decision in August of 2022, I was 330 pounds, and I said to myself well, if you’re going to be 32, and single, you can’t be 32, fat and single. I lost a ton of weight, got in great shape, so much so people thought I took a combination of Ozempic and steroids. 

Here I am fat, and think I am James Harden

Ironically I always said it was easy, well cause it was, come on I was a fat bastard. Now while my clothes still fit, they fit a little worse, it’s a struggle to get my real goal weight or shape I want to be in, which is actually how I came to realize the importance of having a fitness goal. 

Back then, when I said nobody likes a 32 year old fat kid at the Jersey Shore, I really meant it. That was a mantra to kick me in the ass, now at 35, I want desperately to get to my absolute peak, which is how I realized fitness, health, nutrition has to be on your stove-top, one of your burners on that stove top in life. 

Here I am less fat, and no longer think I am James Harden

Without having a fitness goal, I’d just be mindlessly going to the gym, and going for no reason just to go, but at least by going, meal prepping, I am not where I am but, I am always in the game. That burner is always on. 

Number Two: Next we have personal finance, 

Look to also keep it real, I had to learn the hard way about personal finance, to me personal finance means being able to spend freely when I go out with my girl, save for an awesome vacation, and being mindful where my money goes (that means not netflix, why I don’t love netflix). 

Look if you’re just filthy rich, or well off maybe this one is not going exactly hit home, or at least emotionally it’s not going to nearly the same temperature as somewhere else in your life. 

However the one thing I will say, if you want to go on an awesome vacation, or just a nice night out, where you don’t have to worry about things down the line, then it would totally be cool to just have a plan to do those things, so you don’t have to think twice about it; for example, I saved six months for that vacation here it is, and it’s all paid for. Worry Free!

Our Careers: How we give to others.

Next Pillar we have our careers, our purpose, the reason why we are here now. You see the way I see myself here, I’m here to give to you as a therapist, whether it’s through a blog post, a oYutube video, or in the room with me. 

Professionally, I love being in the room, with men who are a little frustrated at a challenge, usually ones around their dating life, a relationship or their marriage. My purpose as I see myself as a therapist, is for you to let it out, so then you can figure it out. 

You see therapy is meant to be on auto-pilot six months from when you start a year from when you start. Imagine a world where you are truly at your best. Everyday you wake up and hit the gym, your diet is clean, and you’re either maintaining your health, or working toward a health or fitness goal. 

Your money is on auto-pilot, every month you automatically save some money, you spend on what you want, you invest in what you want, and you go out and go on a great date or two with your wife or girl, guilt free. 

When you go to work, you feel happy, whole, and complete. You either are working and contributing to others, or you are working toward advancing your career, whether you are a student, entry level employee, or even a manager or director. You’re working toward being your best, or maybe a little business that will one day be yours, like this blog. 

Abundance: Dating, Relationships, and Marriage

Then that last burner, that last pillar, my favorite, I call it abundance, that’s when you really get to enjoy your life, that’s kind of the whole purpose of life to enjoy it, not to come home angry at your wife, worry about your girlfriend, or be frustrated with dating apps. But let’s keep it real, these are the things, and people that take that last burner on the stove-top and really drive the emotions up, that’s the flame for a lot of us that can feel frustrating, angry, and even almost out of control. 

As a therapist, I love working with guys to navigate that burner, that part of the stove-top and that burner, because I know how frustrating it can be to be single and dating, swiping dating-apps, blowing chances with girls on dates. 

Personally, I know what it’s like to go out, wanting to talk to that cute girl and it feels like you are almost stuck doing so. I know what it’s like to feel disapointed when you go out with a girl you really liked once, or twice and it doesn’t work out. 

I know what it’s like to date the coolest, sweetest chick you’ve ever been with and feel like you have to be perfect and do everything right (love ya baby). 

I also know what it’s like to grow up in an unhappily married house, and look around and see so many others in less than marriages and relationships. I want the best for you guys, I want you to be able to let those frustrations out, figure it out, and then six months to a year from now, just a simple thank you to me would be awesome. 

Further Reading and Availability

Guys if you are single and dating, you can check out this blog post (it’s the first of a multi-part blog post), that talks about taking the first and best possible online dating picture. 

If you’d like, you can even read more about my service for men who are single and dating, and learn from the best mistake I ever made. Click here. 

Guys if you are in a relationship, or even married and want to work on reducing worrying, stress, even anger, or arguing in your relationship you can read about that. Click here to read about it. 

Guys if you want to bring your girlfriend or wife in the room with you and work on your marriage or relationship together I also offer couples counseling service. Click here to check that page out. 

If you’d like to get a hold of me you can click here, and send me an email. I’m accepting appointments currently, and the best part is, just to see if we are a good fit, you get to tell me your story for free. To send me an email and schedule your intake. Click Here

If you’d like to ask me a question, comment, anything. Send an email to Click Here. 

So Guy’s, What’s Your Story?