Introduction: I don’t Think I’m Happy

It was the minute I knew my world had changed forever. Now, I didn’t change jobs, get fired or evicted. I had just told my really good friend, I was not happy in my relationship. I knew that once I said it out loud, my world was about to change - I just didn’t know how.

Here’s the truth about what I said out loud: I knew I was unhappy, deep down, and for a long time, it was just the first time I said those words out loud. I knew that statement was going to change my life too; I had been with her for eight years - frustrated for at least a year and finally said my quiet part out loud. 

Saturday, I dealt with saying those words by going over to my dad’s and talking to him (even though he’s older I just wanted to see what he’d say). On the following Monday, I went over to talk to my friends at work (we are therapists after all), and knew something was about to change and had to be done. So what had to be done? I had to end my eight-year relationship, and it was not going to be fun.

I was going to have to hurt someone who loved me, live through this really bad moment, and sort out all of the aftermath - it was going to suck. Everything about it, from the lead up, to saying it, to after, more importantly, I knew it had to be done; I knew there was no coming back from those words.

Here’s the truth, the next thirty days sucked, and as far as that moment goes, I never want to see a look on anyone’s face like that ever again. The reality is, you only get one crack at life, so you might as well be happy. Why be with someone, if you know you aren’t? I knew I was not going to be happy, so why continue? Just because someone loves you, and is a good person, it doesn’t mean they’re your person.

The four years that followed is a story of discovery and growth, both in myself and also in the world of dating and relationships. I didn’t write this book to talk about myself; I wrote it to share my story, to encourage the same change and growth in you that I experienced. I started my therapy and coaching business to share my story with you. Showing you that if I can do it, you can too. That story is “How to Date Your True Ten.”

This book shows that if I can enjoy my dating life, you can enjoy yours. Everything I learned from the world of dating and relationships to my professional knowledge as a therapist is free including the dating app hacks, algorithms, and profile pictures. Anything I can help you with is my gift to you. So you can learn, grow, and have the courage to take the action you need for change in your life.

What follows in these pages is a story of four years of personal growth and discovery in the world of dating, my relationships and life experience. It is my intention to share these stories in a way where you can not just learn from them but apply it in your own life. After all, that’s what self-help is all about: learning and applying. I also want you to see that we are not much different. Four years ago, I was swiping dating profiles and reading self-help books too. I was doing so because I was frustrated in my dating life and wanted the pain, struggle, and frustration to end. 

We're also probably similar when it comes to our dating lives. We probably equate going over to talk to that girl, like breaking past an offensive tackle for a sack or hitting a 99 mph baseball. It probably makes us uncomfortable and even causes physical pain in our body. We feel nervous and even frustrated before sending that text to a girl we like, and really frustrated when we can’t get that second or third date with her. We probably also have spent way more time and money on dating apps then we should.

Here’s the good news, I’ve worked through all of these. I call them conditioned natural emotions and action. I went through the fire of being frustrated with dating apps, not kissing girls on first dates. I went through the nerves and indecisiveness of not asking girls out correctly and worked through that feeling of just telling a girl I think she’s cute. This book is written for one primary reason to help you enjoy your dating life.

Here’s what I am going to recommend: I want you to read this book until it becomes you; until you feel not just success, but you feel decisive with the action you take. I’m not going to say read this book ten to fifteen times (like Corey Wayne does, although I highly recommend his work). I am going to say read this book until you just get used to taking the action in it, over and over again. Read this book until you know you don’t have to anymore - not by your success in dating, but by the action you take, the success comes with it, and along the way.

Now let’s turn the page and enjoy your dating life.