Life Happens in Real Time: From Your Dating Life, Your Relationship and Your Marriage
So here I was, taking a Steak Picture with my true ten last night. We were at Margie’s at the Rockaway Hotel, which is definitely a good place to take one, as seen by the scores on photofeeler.com.
This is the second time Margie’s has delivered.
Then I went to post the content, and it just didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel natural, and felt hard to actually do. I didn’t feel like I was giving you guys a good product.
The post included a short one minute video from dinner, but I also wanted to include the Photofeeler.com, screenshots as well as the actual picture.
But it was hard, and I realized something, Life happens in real time. That video was shot last night, and the results of the pictures, picture itself, and the video just did not go well and make for a good post.
That’s when I realized Life Happens in Real Time. So it got me thinking. How does that play out in our dating lives, our relationships, and our marriages.
Lets start with our single and dating friends.
You know when that girl walks by and you think how cute or hot she is. That is life happening to you in real time. Life is saying go, just say hello, say it,
“Your cute, what’s your name.”
“Daaaaamn, your gorgeous
Say anything!
“Are you a teacher?”
What happens after you don’t say hello? You probably feel pain, and say to yourself, “Damn, why didn’t I say hello.,”
You feel angry and annoyed at yourself. You might even feel a physical pain. That is life happening in real time, and you are feeling pain from that chance to had you live it in real time by saying hello, and acting on what you felt in that moment.
Because you did not act consistently with how you felt in that moment, you have to live with the pain of not saying hello, it sucks.
What about that girl you went out with and like?
Once again that is totally life happening to you in real time. That something saying it’s time to call her.
Look as a therapist and a dating coach, I will say, there is a right time, and a wrong time to call her, like not a day or two after your date.. But if it’s been a few days since your last date, and you are thinking about her, just call her.
Otherwise what happens? Fear and doubt set in.
When should I call?
I don’t know?
I don’t think she’s interested
You fear the rejection, whether it’s in the form of her not answering, or an awkward conversation. You fear it just not going well. I’m sorry that is not how you enjoy your dating life.
You actually really fear the pain you associate with the phone call and after. Here’s the reality, you feel way more pain not doing it, than just doing it.
Just call the girl. Remember, life happens to you in Real Time. Life is saying call that girl you’ve been thinking about. You know you like her, and want to see her again. She either says yes or no, but either way you took action, and feel better. As a therapist I promise you, you totally will.
What about when you are on the date?
I think on the date this comes out in that moment of should I kiss her, when should I kiss her, and all the racing thoughts that go along with that. That is life saying it’s time to kiss her, not leave there wondering if she likes you.
Because if she kisses you back you know one thing, in that moment she liked you enough to kiss you. That is a much better place to be than thinking and wondering what to do next, and if she likes you or not, and mad at yourself for not going for it.
I once heard from Todd V, if you are thinking about kissing the girl, you probably could have kissed her ten minutes ago, I think it is so true.
What about with your girlfriend?
To be completely honest, the mistake I often see is men are worried and focused on the things their girlfriend does or doesn’t do than just having a good time with them.
A lot of the pain you feel in a relationship is simply because you are not going out to give your girl a great time and have fun.
Guys when you are on a date with your girl, give her a good time, just like you’d want to give any girl on a date if you were single and dating. When you’re worried about future plans or the future, or something else, you’re just suffering, because you want something out of it, and fear it won’t happen.
The future will work itself out I promise you, especially if you are both happy and in love.
Let’s be honest, were all guilty of it and myself included, I had to work through that fear as well, that fear of something might turn out in the future the way I wanted it too.
Look the reality is sometimes she wants to see her friends, and it’s going to hurt and sting a little. I get it, you love her, love spending time with her and feel a little bit of doubt and hurt when she spends time away from you, that is real time pain, which is okay.
That pain you feel in real time is you saying, I better find something else to with my time that is fun, exciting for me, otherwise you are just going to focus on the pain of her being away from you.
What about in your marriage?
Well this definitely plays out a little differently, but it still does. My experience with men who are married is feeling a lot of anger and frustration when their wife brings up the past, and they can’t shake their anger.
How I work with men is explaining why she is bringing up the past, it’s because that is how she feels in that moment. She feels the exact same way she felt like in the past when you hurt her.
That’s one thing I learned from Corey Wayne, you can check out his website here.
Life is happening to you in that moment, and it’s not fun, your wife is feeling pain, and probably saying some not nice things.
In real time you feel anger, and she feels hurt. You feel anger because you are tired of her bringing it up, here’s the reality, in real time she feels hurt and if you really love her, you will listen to her, be there for her and be attentive to her.
If you really love her, you’ll address how she feels and not think about yourself, which is hard. But I want to you to enjoy your marriage, and your wife to love you, not have you feeling angry.
As a therapist I work with you to help you do all the the right things to reduce your anger, have fun in your marriage again, and have your wife fall back in love with you.
Here’s the good news if you are married
She wants to be in love with you, that’s why she’s with you, otherwise she would have left. She wants to enjoy her marriage with you, and her family. If she wanted to enjoy it with someone else, she would have left already.
More importantly your the one reading this blog post, and if you feel pain and anger in your marriage you can completely turn that around, if you want to.
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If you are single and dating, you can download the exact six pictures and prompts explained step by step on how I matched with and dated my true ten, and so can you. Download it Below.
How to Match with Your True Ten.
If you are interested in my services I work with men as a therapist who want help in their dating lives, relationships, and marriage. You can read about each service below.
Therapy for Men in a relationship:
https://www.datingandrelationship.services/therapy-for-men-in-a-relationship
Therapy for Men who are Married:
https://www.datingandrelationship.services/therapy-for-married-men
Therapy for Men Who Are Single and Dating:
https://www.datingandrelationship.services/therapy-for-men-who-are-single-and-dating
