Men’s Therapy: Don’t let your wife’s family get to you.
So, guys, how’d you do yesterday?
To keep it real with you, this blog post comes from a recent family dinner. You see after going out with my girlfriend and her friends and family a handful of times over last year or two, I realized that not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, or your favorite cocktail (you get the point).
Some people you are going to really to jive with, and some you are just not, that’s okay. What is not okay, to let it affect how you show up for her, and if you ask me, it is totally not cool to let that affect how you show up for her.
You are there, as her man, her boyfriend, her husband, not some independent observer who is there to judge others or get validation or attention from others. Nope, I’m sorry you are there with her, to give her a good time, and be with her. Any other pain you are experiencing in that moment is really just your ego.
If this hits home, and you’ve ever found yourself, feeling annoyed at your wife or girlfriend’s, friends, or family, I want you to ask yourself, what’s more important?
The love you have for your wife or girlfriend, or
The feelings you have toward one or two people you just don’t see eye to eye with, (if you are reading a blog post like this, I certainly hope it’s the first).
Now, let’s be honest.
If you are reading a blog post like this, it might be because you know the answer but have a hard time navigating your emotions in such a way that it says that in your actions. I get it.
We’re men, we have ego’s, we want to be right and can get a little but-hurt and even be sensitive at times, even if we don’t actively say it or show it. But we do feel it, and it will come out one way or another.
But if you do that sensitivity, that ego get to you, it will get to your marriage or relationship, so don’t let it.
Here’s the good news, if you are reading a blog post like this, it’s because you feel some sort of pain. Whether that pain is after a family dinner with your wife or girlfriend, or you just want to be a better husband, boyfriend, or father. After all, that is exactly what you deserve.
Now ask yourself that same question, “How’d you do yesterday...”
But with the other parts of your life. The other areas of your life that are truly important to you. Ask yourself that question with the goals in mind and the values you have. Why? Because as a man, and as a therapist, I love therapy and working with men and helping you grow in all the ways you want too. Whether that growth is in your marriage, your relationship, your dating life, or anything else.
You see I truly believe as humans (both men and women), we are all growth oriented, it’s also I really have for myself, that’s why I write blog posts like this, started this business, and push myself, but that’s not important for now.
What I want you to ask yourself is where you want to grow, and what’s the reason you really want to grow in that area. When I went through my dating phase, I wanted to grow and improve in my dating life so bad. I was tired of all the pain and frustration I felt that I did anything until I figured it all out.
But my growth didn’t end there, I had to figure out and navigate my emotions with dating a girl I truly love. Now I take that same growth and navigate this business.
Alright enough about me, back to you the reader. How do you want to grow? Do you want to get in great shape, and/or be healthier? Do you want to save for that fun vacation, or nice car? Do you want to advance your career in some way? Or do you want to enjoy your life, and you’re dating life? Tell me guys, what do you want? Next ask yourself, so how’d you do yesterday regarding that goal?
Let’s be honest, I’m writing this blog post the day after Easter dinner, so that means chances are if you are trying to be healthier, or get into great shape, you might not have ate the best. But who cares,that was yesterday’s problem.
Today is a new day. You know exactly what you have to do, hit the gym, eat your greens, and eat something that tastes good, and move toward your fitness goals forward, so go do it.
Maybe you spent more money than you wanted to on gifts, or dessert, that’s okay you can buckle down this week, or for the next few days, so you don’t go into a whirlwind. Maybe you did not get a chance to study for that upcoming test, exam, promotion, or write a blog post (that’s okay you do it today).
The truth is you can do any of these things today, as long as you have a plan to how you want to move your life forward and reach your goals. It’s just a question of taking action and moving forward).
That is something I had to get comfortable with these blog posts. Each part of it (writing it, drafting it, editing it, and then posting it), is simply just a part of my plan. I have to be okay with these blog posts; are the basic action I take day in and day out for this business.
To me it is important, to always be making progress on all of your goals
Why? Because in life, the lights are never all green at the same time. So why not have a plan in place for all of them and keep taking action that you have to. If you know you are going to socialize with some family or friends you don’t like, o have a plan that you are just going to deal with it.
Have a plan to know it sucks, but I don’t care, I love my wife, my girlfriend, and that’s the most important thing. Besides it will feel a lot better to simply deal with it, then to be arguing over people you see a handful of times a year.
If you ate too much Easter chocolate yesterday, that is totally okay, you will simply follow your health plan today. If you spent more money than you wanted to yesterday, or this past weekend, that’s okay, you’ll be more mindful the next few days, and then keep an eye out for next weekend, or next holiday, to make sure you don’t spend as much.
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The Free Men’s Therapy Group
Every Wednesday night at 7pm I host a free weekly men’s therapy group. It is simply how I give back to the community of Staten Island, If you’d like to read more about it you can do so here.
It is Every Wednesday at 7pm, at Aurora Counseling Services in Staten Island, NY 10301.
No fee, no commitment, no billing. Simply me giving back to the community and Staten Island, all walk ins are welcome.
