How to Change Your Behavior? It’s all skills

What do you mean Joey?

In my line of work and for me as someone who loves personal growth and self-help especially in the context of dating, relationships and challenges, this is a critical component to how we reach your goals, work past challenges and move our lives forward. 

If you’re single and dating; how can that apply to you?

Very simply, if you are like myself or even like many of us, and just not at your best, when you want to talk to that girl you think is really cute, then the behavior is the skill. Talking to the girl you want to say hello to is simply the skill!

The simple, “You’re cute, what’s your name?” That’s the skill. 

The skill isn’t about taking her home or getting her number, that comes with time and experience. Just like any great athlete, initially throwing the passes and shooting the free throws are the skills. The skill is the action, not the result. 

How you get at it comes with time, experience, and yes even some expert coaching. Full disclosure, I am not a pick-up artist, or other guys on the internet that were definitely better than me, but I can sure as hell work with you to change that behavior and practice that skill. 

But why is it just practicing the skull so important?

Because you are developing muscle, and I’m sorry guys, the number one most important muscle to have when you are single and dating is confidence. How to get that confidence you do it over, and over again. What are we doing? The behavior! The Skill!

What about those who are in relationships or married?

The same thing applies, being non-needy, not jealous, not insecure, and even not angry are the skills and the behavior. For me, if you’re cute what’s your name is the skill for being single and dating, then, “Have fun, babe” is the relationship equivalent. 

Why? Because it shows your girl, you are not needy, can wish for her and hope she has a good time without her, and don’t need her attention, validation and comfort. It means you can enjoy your life in peace without her and you feel cool and calm that she can have fun in peace without you. 

If you’re married and find yourself angry, or even just not happy in your marriage, Not losing your cool, or your anger is the skill, that no matter what I am not going to be angry, yell, or even be rude, that’s the skill. 

Then we work on how you can do more than just that, like give to your wife in a way which she loves, is happy, and wants your time, attention, presence, then we are creating or recreating a truly loving marriage. But it starts with that first skill, that first behavior, not losing your cool. 

Staying calm is the skill!

Our behavior is the skill

The skills take us toward our goals! No matter what your goals are, this is when we get to feel true success, seeing the change, feeling it and knowing we are on our way. 

At the end of the day, I am not going to make you a pick-up artist, or how to, “Have better game.” What I am going to work with you is helping you be your very best and most confident self. 

And if you are in a relationship or married, I am definitely going to help repeat that attractive behavior, over and over again, so you can enjoy your relationship and your marriage. 

I help you practice those behaviors

That take you toward your goals, in the most individualized way possible, for you!

I’ll use some self disclosure for a second

This month I’m doing dry January, I like a good margarita, and a cocktail just like a lot of you guys do. So if the behavior is the skill, then what’s the skill? Not Drinking. 

Is it hard at times? Sure, on a Sunday afternoon, I would love to have a beer or two, or have a cocktail with my dinner/Steak Picture this past Saturday (it was a mocktail), but that’s the skill, the behavior, the not drinking. 

Remember guys, the behavior is skill. 

So ask yourself?

What is the behavior or skill you need to get to where you want to get to?

Is it feeling your girlfriend is madly in love with you?, having  a nice healthy, happy marriage or is being your most confident and single self?

And while I love the subject of dating and relationships, I really love how it plays out in the world of self-help, and personal growth. We are truly growth oriented people, it’s a a huge reason why I am at this point, writing this blog. We are meant to grow in all areas: (Our Health, Our Careers, and our Personal Lives). 

Where Do You Want to Grow?

Do you want to lose a good 10-20 pounds, going to the gym is the skill! I work with you to identify and get specific about what those skills are, how we can do them. How they are realistic for you, so that you can practice those skills, do them, and grow. 

Want to save money for that dream vacation, then saving the money is the skill, putting it away is the skill, once again you are growing in a way so that you can save for that vacation and have it booked no problem. 

For me, blogging is, “The Skill.”

Will this blog be perfect? Nope, but this is the skill, the behavior is the skill. We do the skills to reach our goals so we can live the lives we want to live, work through our challenges and grow. I want you in my office so you can grow, work through that challenge and get out of here and enjoy life. 

If you’d like to work with me…

On your skills and develop them you can click here to contact me for a free therapy and coaching call. 

If you’d like to read more of these blog posts, you can subscribe to my therapy and coaching newsletter here. 

If you’d like to reach out to me directly for a call you can email me here. 

Tomorrow’s blog post might build on this one. One more thing, I’m open to all feedback so please feel free to drop a comment below.