Why don’t quick fixes work?

If you’re on a blog post like this, hopefully you realize that quick fixes don’t work. Whether you are trying to get in great shape, go on a fun vacation, start a business, advance your career, or enjoy your dating and relationship life.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things you can fix like a car, a computer, or even a broken bone. But if you really want to accomplish your grandest goals and dreams, then a quick fix isn’t going to do that. Whether those goals are to start a business, advance your career or date your true ten.

Along the way, you can encounter good things, like a tax refund, a bonus or raise at work. Maybe even you are taking a GLP-1, or you get an unexpected promotion. But these are all things that help you along the way, and serve as a quick fix, not a long-term win.

The way to have a long-term win that accomplishes your grandest goals, and dreams are with long term, simple, but sustainable actions, let me explain.

We all have frustrations

Some of us are frustrated with wanting to be in better shape. Some of us are frustrated with our marriage, or our relationship, and some of us frustrated with seemingly feel like you are never able to get ahead financially. Frustration is a normal part of life.

When frustration really seems to set in is when you want to fix that frustration but find yourself unable to take the action you need to. For example when I work with men who are frustrated in their dating lives, I work with them to take the action that will make them not just less frustrated but enjoying dating.

Sometimes that action is just talking to a girl, sometimes it’s asking her out, asking for her number or going for a kiss. The point is no matter the frustration, your inability to take action to remove it, only makes it worse.

What are some of your frustrations?

Are you frustrated with your marriage? Are you frustrated with your relationship?

Are you frustrated because you’re not in the shape you used to be in.

Are you frustrated because you feel against the eight ball financially.

Or are you frustrated because your career is stuck in a rut.

Here’s the truth, we all have frustrations.

The reason why you have that frustration is because you aren’t able to do the action that will remove that frustration and bring you joy and abundance in that area of your life.

If you’re frustrated in your marriage you might be frustrated with a lack of intimacy, and closeness with your wife. You can remove it by just talking to her, and addressing it.

You can address it by telling her you want to work on your marriage, you’ll do anything to make this marriage a happy one again.

While it might not be the easiest thing to say, it usually is the truth, it’s just uncomfortable to say it.

Don’t look elsewhere for the fix.

If you need to lose a few pounds, don’t look for the diet pill, or the quick fix like surgery, or some sort of diet you know will only last a few weeks. Look for the consistent action you need to reach that goal. Whether it’s a 30-minute walk, or a 30-minute workout.

If you are behind on bills, don’t look elsewhere like a credit card, or Home Equity Line of Credit, look for within yourself to make things happen. Yes it’s hard, but that line of credit, loan or credit card, is just a quick fix, to the long-term problem, you're spending.

You can overcome it, it’s just a question of buckling down to what is important, and what isn’t.

Same with studying for a test or your career

Don’t look for the cheat sheet, or crash course before you take a test. Just look within yourself for long term, simple actions, like studying 10-30 minutes a day. to help you. A chapter a day, or even half a chapter a day.

Same with starting a business, don’t look for the coach, or the mentor, just look for the first major thing you want to achieve, (like a website, or a book).

Same with Dating:

Don’t look for the dating app to fix your dating life, or the next girl you meet to make you happy. Take your happiness in your own hands, and run with it. Move toward the goal line.

Ask that girl out, by saying, “Hey I’d love to see when are you free.”

Go for that first date kiss, and say, “No cheek here, I gotta kiss you,”

Lastly when you’re out and about, Look right her, and keep it real, “You’re cute, What’s Your Name.”

Your Ability to Take Long Term Sustainable, but Simple Actions Make You Happy.

Guys if you are single and dating: Are you more likely to be happy

A. If you meet someone, date her for a while and things really take off, or

B. Are you more likely to be happy if day in and day out when you go out you tell a girl you think she’s cute and ask for her name, and see if she’s interested in you.

Sure choice A is an option, and one I want you to have, but it won’t bring you long term happiness, because when things don’t work out, it’s back to square one, which is an inability for you to take the action you really want to in your dating life.

Look within Yourself

I get it, in the day and age of the internet, it’s easy to look at a self-help book, a coach or a therapist, to help you with anything you want to work through.

You should look to those people if they can truly help you, but no matter how much they can help you, they can only help you so much. They can only give you information, and a little boost, the real work is not just within you, but yours to do.

You might look to YouTube, Instagram, A book, or a Coach for

New Workout, or new results, which is awesome, but the workout, the dieting, it’s yours to do.

Maybe you’ve read a self-help book on money, or watched YouTube videos and pundits on managing money and getting ahead, but the good-honest work to do, is on you. Whether it’s saving money every month for a fun vacation or paying down credit cards.

If you’re studying test, that textbook is going to help you, but it’s up to you, to do the good old fashioned honest work yourself. Sure you’ll be distracted by your phone, and your attention will wonder, that’s normal.

Accept it you will be distracted, then just get back to the books.

Tools will help you fix things, but the fixing is up to you.

Let’s take a look at some things that will help you fix these your frustrations and move toward your goals.

A. A barbell, a diet, a weightloss pill, and even a workout, will help you with getting in great shape, but it’s help to you put these tools together.

B. A loan, a check, a bonus, a tax refund, will help you in the short term, but it’s not going to fix the frustration of you feeling behind, that’s on you to fix.

C. A textbook: It will help you study, but you have to do the work yourself, sit there day in and day out with the material.

D. A dating app: It will help you see more girls, and go on more dates, but it won’t help you give her a good time, plan a fun date, and go for that first date kiss.

I write these blog posts because.

As a therapist, I love the world of self-help and personal growth, it’s my little gift to you, as I grow this business, and myself to help me grow.

If you like reading blog posts you can subscribe here.

If you’d like to learn more about my therapy and coaching practice you can contact me here.