A Therapist Guide To Money: Debt, Gambling, Challenge and Growth

Hey guys, here’s the deal (no pun intended).  Your relationship with money, whether it is rent, bills, credit cards, or even gambling, is not going to solve itself overnight. 

Let’s be honest, your relationship with money did not get this bad overnight, right? 

Look I get it, I have debt, student loan debt, and have definitely been guilty of feeling stressed and spending more than I should have. Sound familiar? 

Let’s be honest, just like getting in great shape, personal finance is a challenge. It’s also no different than working out, advancing your career, or even our dating and relationship lives. Healthy money habits, and being true to ourselves with exactly what we want to spend our money on and what we don’t is a challenge. 

But ask yourself, is this challenge fixable, correctable, and most of all doable? Chances are if you are here, you’ve answered yes. . Let’s be honest, if you are reading this it might suck to think about  where you are financially, and even cause a lot of pain. 

Whether you struggle with gambling, betting, debt, increased rent, or just always feel a financial stress or pressure in your life that you are tired of. I get it. It could not only be frustrating to still be stuck, but at times leave you feeling overwhelmed. 

It could have you doing the same behaviors, the bad ones such as gambling and overspending, It can really take over, and almost consume you. It can consume you so much where you almost wear it as an identity, making it even harder to change.  

But if life is full of challenges, why is this one any different? 

Whether those challenges are getting in great shape, personal finance, your career, or even your dating and relationship life. If we want toa achieve and grow in all of these areas, why is personal finance any different? So what makes this challenge of money so different?

Well, we feel it more, we feel those emotions they are intense, heavy, and can weigh on us way more than we want them too.

So how do we fix it?

The truth is, it’s no different  than any other challenge, it just takes a plan, a little discipline, and knowing you are just going to have to do the simple things, day in and day out. 

Let’s be honest, if you had a perfect plan to be credit card debt free, go on that fun vacation, and be stress free financially how good would you feel? Chances are not only would you feel pretty good, you'll execute it pretty easily. 

So what’s stopping you from having that plan and doing it, one simple step at a time? It’s the emotions we feel, the guilt, the shame, and the frustration. These emotions lead us to the quick fix, or even worse at times, I could fix it in a month or two month, or way sooner than is realistic and sustainable. 

Don’t get me wrong, In a month or two you can definitely build good daily habits, just like going to the gym. When you go to the gym, do you build your perfect body in a month? 

No, but you can surely make progress in a month. And in six months, a year, or even six years, you’d see a hell of a lot of progress! Ask your self this, what is that you do in the gym, you work on your body, correct? You maintain that body and work on it every day. The same is no different with personal finance. 

The difference between the gym, and personal finance, is not what we have to do, it’s the emotions, and how we feel them. Chances are you if you are reading this you’ve rarely felt overwhelmed or helpless, or hopeless in the gym. But chances are you if you are reading this, you have felt this about your personal finance.

But let’s be honest, if we had a perfect a near perfect or perfect plan, wouldn’t we just follow that plan?

Here’s the truth, you do have that plan, there is just some part of that plan, usually the time, that you don’t like about it, so we want to deviate from it, get frustrated, have urges, and set ourselves way back more than we should.

If I told you, you'd be in the best shape of your life in six months ,and all you have to do is to go to the gym for an hour a day, and follow this diet, wouldn’t you do it? Especially if you had the time for that workout and that diet was easy. You’d say sure when can I start. So why is it so hard with personal finance?

It’s  the urges, the emotions, and the frustrations that are just way stronger in this area. Not only are they stronger, they last longer and feel worse, than in other parts of our lives. Have you ever said to yourself

• “After this weekend, I’ll stop”. 

• “I’m only going to bet on the playoffs,”

•  “I’m only going to do boxes.”

• “Starting Monday, or after this week, it’s back to the gym.” 

The best start to a behavior change is today, not Monday. I hate when people say, “Monday, or next month.” No your behavior is not going to get better from now until Monday. Your behavior, your ability to work through challenges, and make progress is a life long approach to growth and achievement. 

So recognize it for what it is, you have a problem. Guys, we all do. If people or myself didn’t have problems I wouldn’t have a job and you wouldn’t be human. Everyone would walk around smiles, sunshine, and rainbows. Problems exist, but so does your resistance and growth!

We all have problems and challenges, stop letting those emotions ruin your life over this challenge you have. Have your plan and go through it!. Recognize the urges, the moments, that take us away from that plan, does that sound good?

Let me ask you this, what’s the most realistic timeframe you could work through that challenge? Whether it is to pay that money back you owe or save for that fun vacation. 

Whether it’s credit card debt, gambling debt, or student loan debt, or just having x amount of money you want saved and invested. Chances are whether it is a year, two years, or even four years, you can look at it and go, ok if I just do this plan I will definitely be good at this point. 

But let’s be honest, you don’t want to have to wait two years? You want to be out of this money hole sooner, you just want to be out of it. You want to rip that band-aid off and rip those shackles off.

Here’s the reality, two years are going to go by regardless. So you might as well take that time to at the very least accomplish that goal and be exactly where you want to be. 

I’d rather two years go by and your money habits, your  fitness habits, and all the habits you need to grow and achieve are ingrained in you, right? Because these habits are more than just good money habits, they are habits of growth, freedom and excellence.

So take that time to be where you want to be financially, and to enjoy the journey. That journey is more than just how long it takes to reach your goal. The journey is the part of your life you are navigating.

Take the time to feel and experience all those emotions as you execute a small and simple plan, step by step. Just like I have to take the time to write, draft, edit, edit again, and publish this blog post.

As you execute that plan step by step, you’ll see the progress and feel the progress.  The more progress you see and feel, the less of the urge you have to act on those urges and behaviors that take you away from your goal. 

Do you really want to be reading a blog post like this two years from now? I certainly hope not, so let’s start the plan.  

Here’s the good news 

If a month, two months, or even three months go by, and you haven’t gambled, you added money to that savings account for that fun vacation or didn’t put money on a credit card, how would you feel? How would you really feel if a month or two went by, and you said Ok, I did it. You’d feel really good!

Chances are you can turn up that level of discipline you’ve been using in a natural way, where you didn’t even feel a difference.  Would you be motivated to pay those debts back even more, and keep making progress on your goals? 

Chances are you would. So that means it starts by showing yourself, you can do those small, little things, and feel that progress, and see it! That’s where the first steps start. Here’s the good news, if you are reading this, I’m sure you have had success in this area before. 

I’m sure there has been a time where you’ve gone weeks or months without gambling.  Chances are you’ve paid off credit cards before, or built up a nice savings. The only difference is you weren’t able to sustain that behavior, because urges, came challenges came up, and it was easy to revert back to the behavior.

Then to make it worse, you felt really bad, once you exhibited that bad or undesirable behavior, and beat yourself up over it, which didn’t help at all. It just made you feel worse, and then chances are continue the behavior you know you are trying to avoid it. I get it, we’ve all been there and done that in any area of our lives.

That’s where I come in, I work with you to not just identify the plan that we know is perfect, but to hold your feet to the fire, keep you accountable to the plan.

Then we recognize the emotions, the urges, the risk that come up to take us away from that plan, and no matter what still choose to stick with the plan. I help you get tarted it, ride out those urges, stick to that plan, and maintain it. Then I want you out of here and enjoying your life.

If we know at a bare minimum we can work through this plan, then our problem also isn’t the plan. It’s the emotions that stop us! It’s the emotions we feel that bring on that urge to deviate from the plan, or that quick fix behavior, or just temptation for bad behavior. 

We just want the pain to be over with so we go for that quick fix. 

Look personal finance is no different than getting in great shape, your career or your dating life.

Why? Because you know exactly what you have to do? Just like I have to write this blog post. Just like you have to go to work. Just like we both have to be confident, secure, and giving in our dating and relationships. Just like we all have to go to the gym and workout.

Not only do you know what to do, you know exactly what that plan is. You know that as long as you follow that plan, in x amount of time you will be good to go and never reading an article like this again. I want this plan to be more than a plan for you to pay off debt, save for that fun furniture set, or vacation. I hope this plan is a plan for you to live your life by.

Just like you know exactly what we have to do with going to the gym, dating that cute girl, or being successful at work. So, insert that dollar amount, that says if I just pay back x amount for how long, I wouldn’t feel a thing, It would just suck, but I would just do it. 

You are definitely going to have the urge to gamble, to spend, and to go away from that plan. Feeling that urge is okay, acting on it isn’t. All acting on that urge is going to do is simply send you to another blog post like this. I want you to enjoy life, not reading blog posts like this, and worrying about money. 

So guys, I know you know your plan, so go do it. Go follow it. Be kind to yourself, be patient, and enjoy life. Enjoy the challenge and the journey, because life is full of them. 

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