How to Go Slow in Dating and Relationships?
You just have to sit down and do it patiently.
This blog post comes from the recent pain, and pressure I’ve put on myself to pump out these blog posts.
Almost like a temptation to reach for the quick fix. To write it, draft it, edit it and then publish it. But guys, is that really fair to me, or f to you the reader? It’s not.
Last week I wrote a similar blog post about the idea of going slow and why it is important. I’ll link to it below.
For me and this business, going slow means I don’t have to publish this post today. I have to enjoy each step I take with it. Otherwise, I am not truly being present with not just the emotions, but what it takes to push out a good quality blog post and work through my frustration.
Going slow is the plan. The patience you have to go through that plan is what I like to call infinite patience.
What is infinite patience?
Infinite patience and going slow means you have the time and patience to not just have a slow plan, to go through that slow plan, and do it slowly.
If you want to get in great shape, you have infinite patience to go on that Stairmaster, or walk, or workout slowly, and the patience to do it for next month, three months, or even six months.
You also know each day you do that workout is just another day of having the patience to do that workout slowly.
What it looks like in our professional lives?
So, guys, I want you to sit down and do everything you need to do but sit down and do it slowly. By doing everything you want to do as part of your plan slowly, you are increasing your mindfulness to the activity.
You are cutting out distractions, and increasing your ability to complete the task and move your life forward, just like this blog post.
By sitting down and doing it slowly you get to feel that progress you are making.
Let’s look at how it plays out in our professional lives.
Maybe you are studying for a test, working on a project, or something longer term with your career.
Then here is something I want you to think about.
Thirty minutes of slow and methodical work is better than thirty minutes of distracted and frustrated and pressured work. Thirty minutes of slow and relaxed work is definitely better than 60 minutes of distracted and pressurized work.
By doing that activity, that routine, that must have a moment slowly you are not just learning, you are immersing yourself in what it takes to do it mentally.
What it looks like Financially?
If you want to save for that fun vacation, not only do you need a long-term plan, but you also need to be able to enjoy it and know you are doing it slowly.
Now how does this play out in our dating, and relationship lives?
It still does, because we are going to have crappy, unpleasant, emotions.
But going through these crappy emotions, feeling them, and then healing them will not just eventually simmer down the emotion. It will give you that insightful moment to go, what the hell am I getting so upset over?
Here is another insightful moment that came from one of my clients, “I’d rather her go on vacation loving me, then go there upset with me.”
Yes! Ding, Ding, Ding! That client totally wins therapy for that day.
For a needy guy, or a guy who really loves his girl, this can definitely cause him to feel insecurity and doubt.
The fact is this gentleman, if you were fully confident that your girl loved you, missed you, and could not wait to get home to you, then you would not feel those emotions.
I work with you to get past those doubts and fears, which cause those painful emotions, to be able to do or say or the most attractive thing which is, “Have fun babe.”
Feeling that pain will give you insight into that moment where you can go, ‘What am I doing here? She is just out with her friends, now let me enjoy myself.’
Guys if you are reading this, these emotions can be strong, difficult and hard, but here’s what I would like you to do.
Nothing, go through it, and feel it, that’s it.
Because guys trust me, when you give her that freedom to have fun and be on her own, she is going to come back, and love you even more.
Go through it slowly, and do it slowly. You just have to.
For one reason and reason only. If you are reading this, chances are you are in a relationship with a girl you really love.
That slow feeling, and waiting game, only makes you look one way, more attractive.
It also creates more love, which is what you want in this relationship, otherwise you probably would not be reading a blog post like this.
Remember guys, slow is the plan, going through it is the hard thing.
Whether you need to go through it slowly by getting in great shape, saving money for that fun vacation, taking that test, or advancing that career, or taking it slow in your relationship life, go slowly.
Be ok knowing you are physically on that slow path, and embrace it! This removes all the frustration you feel from not being at that finish line yet. And it keeps you focused on your goal in life, and where you are going.
If you’d like to know more about my therapy services
They focus on men who are single in dating, in a relationship or married. You can click through to my homepage below to find out more.
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