What is your true ten? What you really want in love
In my therapy practice I work with men who want to date their true ten, be in a relationship with their true ten, and be married to their true ten.
The work we do together is with the intent to do exactly that, enjoy your dating life, relationship, and marriage.
But honestly, when you think about it, you deserve to have a true ten across all aspects of life, whether it is in your dating and relationship life, your health, your personal finance and your career.
At this end of the blog post you’ll have some idea and motivation to work towards making things your own true ten when it comes to your health, wealth, career, and romantic life.
What does your true ten consist of? What are the actions not the outcomes
For example, your true ten for a healthy lifestyle might be a thirty-minute walk at lunch, while mine is 30 minutes on the Stairmaster, you get the point.
Your true ten in your dating life might be to go up and just shoot your shot with five girls (something you can control), or calling that girl you want to see again, but are unsure of her interest.
My true ten in my dating life has to do with my relationship. It’s about giving my girlfriend a good time and treating her like my princess.
The point is our actions dictate how close we get to that true ten. Focus on those actions.
And while our True Tens might be different in health, dating, relationships, and even personal finance and our careers, the actions we take are not that different.
Reaching these true ten milestones are all about putting the work in with action, and time.
You have to take action, and time with that action to be successful and make progress in any part of your life you want to feel joy and abundant with.
You have to take action toward it, not just talk about it in therapy.
What about in personal finance?
Let’s take personal finance for example. Having a ten out of ten in personal finance might be a dream car you are saving for, or a fun weekend getaway you go on frequently.
While someone else’s true ten might be saving money for a dream vacation.
The most important thing in reaching your true ten lifestyle is the action you take toward it. It’s no different than that 30-minute walk.
it’s action you take, the money you save, the bills you pay, and the fun you have with it.
How do we take this action?
You take action with time and attention to it. You take it by sitting down and being truly present with it, not just listening and watching a bunch of YouTube Video’s and reading a self-help book or two.
You have to really sit there with the action you take and the time to take it. That is how you feel growth and progress.
What about in our careers?
Look I’m not telling you to quit your job and pursue your dream job.
What I am saying is there are certain aspects of our jobs, our careers, that can make it better feel more like your true ten, whether it is your co-workers, a project you're working on.
I want you to lean into these elements and appreciate them more.
It also might look like having boundaries at work, saying no more, or completing something early for more free time, or taking the day for yourself.
The point is there is likely something in your work life or career you can take action toward to make it feel like more of a ten.
Are there elements of your career you are working toward? For example, I write these blog posts as my contribution to the world of therapy, self-help and personal growth.
For you it could be studying for a test, a promotional exam, working on your resume.
I want you to take action and work toward making work as abundant and joyful and purposeful as you can. as you should with everything in your life.
For the best results with taking action toward these goals we have to truly take the time with it, and deliberate action.
For example, right now I’m editing this blog post, with no distractions, no phone, no nothing.
Now to the fun part: Our dating and relationship lives?
And yes, that does include my married folks.
What actions are you willing to take to bring yourself more joy in your dating life, your relationship and marriage?
What are you willing to change and what are you willing to do?
If you are single and dating, are you willing to go up to that girl you think is cute and say, “You’re cute, what’s your name?
Are you willing to look at her and just smile? Are you willing to offer to buy her a drink (don’t do this all night though, just buy one as a form of you taking action).
Any of these are definitely you taking action to enjoy your dating life.
Guys, let’s be honest with this one. When you go out with your friends or even by yourself (which is awesome if you do), either way you are going to go home at the end of the night (hopefully with a girl, but you get the point).
The only way you are going to feel good about your dating life, and progress in it is by taking action, even imperfect action.
Otherwise, you are just going to go home and feel like crap. But if you take action, you will feel better about your progress in dating.
If you are single and dating, I work with you to build that confidence and also develop the competency to have more dating success, so you can enjoy your dating life and be with your true ten.
What if you're in a relationship?
If you are in a relationship what does your true ten relationship look like? Is she always calling you, and texting you?
Is she sweet, loving and kind to you? I know my true ten is, that’s why I’m a lucky bastard.
One of the biggest barriers I see in preventing this is guys feeling overwhelmed by their emotions when a girl goes out with her friends, away for the weekend, or they can’t see them when they expect too, it can be a blow to your ego, I get it.
We look at our phone waiting for the next text message or FaceTime (it’s okay if you do, I do too).
But what’s not okay, is to be texting her when she is out with her friends, she needs that time and space.
It’s an important part of really feeling like you are with your true ten.
What if you're married?
Are you married to your true ten? If so, that is awesome, and to be honest, you might not even be reading a blog post like this. But maybe you are married to your true ten, but your marriage does not feel like it.
Maybe you know what you could do to make it closer to a being with your true ten, you are being her true ten.
Maybe you know exactly what behavior you need to change.
It could be self-control, anger, more time with your life, listening more, being more attentive, it could be anything.
I work with you to get specific about the changes you do need to make, so you can enjoy your marriage.
My work with men focuses on the changes you want to make in your dating life, relationship, and marriage.
Whether it is in your dating profile, your dating life, your relationship, or your marriage.
The goal I have for you is to have your dating life, relationship or marriage to be a true ten.
And along the way I am more than happy to help you with the other burners on the stove top, like friends, family, work, school, anything.
The truth is I had to work really hard to overcome my own dating insecurities, failures, and even relationship doubts.
But now that I have achieved this for myself, it’s an important part of my work as a therapist, because I want you to do the same.
Growth is always ongoing; it’s a natural part of who we are as humans. My goal with you is to grow together, after all we are all in this together.
I’ll grow with this business, and you’ll be growing in your love life.
If you’d like to subscribe to my email newsletters you can do so with the link below.
Men's Dating and Relationship Blog
If you are single and dating and would like to download me How to Match and Date Your True Ten, you can do so below.
The Ultimate Dating Profile Checklist
If you’d like to work with me you can so by emailing me at datingandrelationship.services@gmail.com
