Hey Guys, You Gotta Chill Out

I get it guys, the world of dating, relationships and marriage can be challenging, frustrating, and sometimes really not fun.

It can suck to feel like your wife has less love for you, it can suck to feel angry in your marriage, and it can really suck to feel like your girlfriend doesn’t want to spend time with you, and that girl your dating won’t give you the next date. I get it.

It can also suck just to feel like you are climbing Mount Everest to go over and talk to that girl at the bar.

Overall the world of dating and relationships, can have us feeling lonely, and not enough. I get it guys. When I was single and dating there was a time in my life I was so frustrated I looked for a quick fix, and even spent money on a dating profile coaching program to fix it for me.

It’s actually the best mistake I ever made, I’m pretty open about it, but not just for this blog post today…anyways….

I also get it. When you’re in a relationship, it can be challenging to navigate the emotions you have when you are dating, and in a relationship your true ten. One minute it can feel like you are on cloud nine, and the next week it can feel a grave uncertainty about when you’ll see her again.

You can have doubts of if you are truly enough, and a lot of the time they are so subconscious and rooted in you, you have no idea you even have that doubt. Now to the answer, are you enough, the answer of course is Hell Yeah (my first of two Stone Cold Steve Austin References)!

But it’s not easy getting there. I’m lucky, I was able to navigate being single and dating and that frustration emotions into simple, effective and growth oriented actions. It wasn’t easy getting there, but I did it.

I’m also lucky I was able to navigate my emotions to my most attractive behavior, so it is just a part who I am, and my relationship. In today’s blog post we are going to do the same for you.

Here’s a clue, it starts with the title,

Chill Out! It’s okay.

Look guys save being angry for NFL Free agency, especially if you are a Dolphins fan after the Jaylen Waddle trade. .

I want you to give your wife, girlfriend, that girl you are dating or just want to approach, your best.

Today’s blog post will show you the questions you can ask yourself, and statements you can make, that help you develop your authentic voice and relax in a way that is calm, chill and just feels right for you. The behavior, the actions, just follow the emotion.

Guys, I hope we can call agree, being relax, chill and calm, is a very attractive behavior. Ladies if you’re reading this, what do you think?

Risk. What is it, and what poses risk for us to lose our cool?

Let’s talk a little about risk, it’s a therapist word, and since I am a therapist, I might as well wear my therapist hat for a little bit (besides it covers my bald head).

Let’s look at some of the people in your life, and the risk they post to you not remaining calm, chill and relax in your relationship, marriage or dating life,

If we are keeping it real we have probably gotten upset something her friend said, or did, her mother said or did or how a girl you approached or dated rejected you.

Here’s the deal, they are her friends and her family, not yours. It’s not always going to feel the most natural and pleasant to hang out with them. And sometimes you might get annoyed, or even angry….but don’t!!

Don’t get angry at something her mother said, friend said, sister said, or even one of her friend’s said when you just went to approach her ( a reference for those single and dating).

• Side note in the single and dating world I think this is more common than usual. In that moment, the girl you approached might have a friend who is upset that she was not approached, therefore she takes it on you.

The point being is don’t let anything, someone says outside of your relationship, marriage or even dating life affect how you show up. Otherwise you’re at risk. At risk to lose you’re cool, be angry, and not your most attractive self.

I want you to ask yourself this

If you were the absolute shit, what would you say to yourself or to your girl if you knew her friend was talking shit about you?

You’d probably say, “Damn, I didn’t know she felt that way, I’m sorry babe.”

• No you’re not apologizing for anything you did, it’s just a way of communicating clearly that you recognize she is upset in that moment and you heard her message.

Or you might say, “Damn I had no idea she felt that way.” and then move on.

Or, “Babe, I’m sorry she don’t like me and that sucks. More importantly, I love you, you’re my girl.”

Do any of these responses sound angry? I hope not. Do any of them sound ass-kissy and apologetic? I don’t think so. I think they sound like a confident man, who knows he loves his wife, girlfriend, and isn’t going to put stock into what others think of his relationship or marriage.

If you’re single and dating, you might say, “Oh wow I didn’t ask your opinion (if one of her friends is rude or nasty).”

Here’s the bottom line (cause Stone Cold…)

Don’t let the opinions of others, or the other people themselves affect how you show up in your dating life, relationship, or marriage. Here’s the reality guys, you are the one reading this blog post, not your girl, and not her friends, and not her mother.

This is a blog post that says, don’t let anyone outside of your relationship, your marriage or your dating life affect how you show up. People suck, I say it all the time.

Your most calm, chill and attractive self is not going to get upset, butthurt or annoyed by the opinions of others outside of your relationship, your marriage or your life.

Just like I won’t get flustered, frustrated, or shy about writing blog posts in Staten Island, NY where I have made a name for myself as a social worker for the last eight years.

If this blog post hit’s home and you’d to follow along and work with me, below are some options.

If you’d like to work with me I am affiliated with Aurora Counseling Services. 

You can simply visit their website, and ask for Joe, I am there Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. To visit, click here. 

On Wednesdays at 7pm I host a free Men’s Therapy Group, where we talk about blog posts like this, and am strictly there as a support and guide for you. 

It is free, no insurance, no cost, simply me giving back to you guys as a therapist and  myself. Simply reach out to me below or Aurora Counseling Services if interested. You can learn more about that group here.

If you’d like to learn more about my work as a therapist in the world of dating and relationships, you can visit my homepage.

I am available for booking and appointments virtually, you can click here to contact me directly to book a free consultation. Click Here. 

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It is simply the six pictures I used to not just increase my dating life, but to match and date with my true ten.  Click Here to download.

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