Hey Guys, You Gotta Chill Out

I get it guys, the world of dating, relationships and marriage can be challenging, frustrating, and sometimes not fun.

It can suck to feel like your wife has less love for you, and feel anger in your marriage. It can suck to feel like your girlfriend doesn’t want to spend time with you. It can also suck when that girl you’re dating won’t say yes to the next date. I get it, I’ve been there done that and won the trophy (and it wasn’t the Stanley Cup).

It can also suck when it feels like you have to muster so much inner courage and discipline just to go over and talk to that girl at the bar.

Overall the world of dating and relationships can have us feeling lonely, angry, and even bitter. I get it guys.

When I was single and dating there was a time in my life I was so frustrated I looked for a quick fix, and even spent money on a dating profile coaching program. It’s what I refer to continuously as the best and funniest mistake I ever made.

It’s also a big reason why I started this business and decided to take my skills and career as a therapist and infuse it to work with a population of men who want to do better in their dating and relationship lives. But that’s a story for another time.

I also know what it’s like when you’re in a relationship how challenging it can be to navigate the emotions you have when you are with a girl you are really, really into. One minute it can feel like you are on cloud nine, and the next week you can feel massively uncertain about when you see her again and it drives you crazy.

You can have doubts, if you are truly enough. A lot of the time they are so subconscious and rooted in you, you have no idea you even have that doubt. Now to the answer, are you enough, of course you are.

But it’s not easy getting there. I’m lucky. I’m lucky I was able to navigate being single and dating and the frustration of emotions into simple actions with a new born knowledge of dating that made my dating life fun again.

I’m also lucky I was able to navigate my emotions to be my most attractive self, in a way that just became a natural part of who I am, and now my relationship. In today’s blog post we are going to do the same for you.

So how do we show up that our very own best natural and attractive self? The answer is in the title of this blog post.

Chill Out! It’s okay.

Look guys save being angry for NFL Free agency, especially if you are a Dolphins fan after the Jaylen Waddle trade. .

I want you to give your wife, girlfriend, and that girl you are dating or just want to approach, your best. that means being cool. calm, and chill.

Today’s blog post will show you the questions you can ask yourself, and statements you can make, that help you develop your authentic voice and relax in a way that is calm, chill and just feels right for you. The behavior and the actions, just follow the emotion of being calm, chill and relax.

Guys, I hope we can call agree, being relax, chill and calm, is a very attractive behavior. Ladies if you’re reading this, what do you think?

First what makes us potentially not be calm, chill, and cool?

Let’s talk a little about risk, it’s a therapist word, and since I am a therapist, I might as well wear my therapist hat for a little bit (besides it covers my bald head).

Let’s look at some of the people in your life, and the risk they pose to you not remaining calm in your relationship, marriage or dating life,

If we are keeping it real, we have probably gotten upset about something your girlfriend or wife’s her friend said, or did. Whether it is her mother , brother, friend etc. Or maybe you approached a girl, and the girl whose friend you approached had something mean to say.

Here’s the deal (especially in the relationship and marriage world), they are her friends and her family, not yours. It’s not always going to feel the most natural and pleasant to hang out with them. And sometimes you might get annoyed, or even angry….but don’t!!

Don’t get angry at something her mother said, friend said, sister said. Don’t let anything someone says outside of your relationship, marriage or even dating life affect how you show up. Otherwise you’re at risk. At risk to lose you’re cool, be angry, and not your most attractive self. Show up based on how your girl or wife is showing up, or even that girl you approached.

Don’t show up based on something her friend’s or family did or said.

I want you to ask yourself this

If you were your most confident self, what would you say to yourself or to your girl if you knew her friend was talking shit about you?

You’d probably say, “Damn, I didn’t know she felt that way, I’m sorry babe.”

• No you’re not apologizing for anything you did, it’s just a way of communicating clearly that you recognize she is upset in that moment and you heard her message.

Or you might say, “Damn I had no idea she felt that way.” and then move on.

Or, “Babe, I’m sorry she don’t like me and that sucks. More importantly, I love you, you’re my girl.”

Do any of these responses sound angry? I hope not. Do any of them sound ass-kissy and apologetic? I don’t think so. I think they sound like a confident man who knows he loves his wife, girlfriend, and isn’t going to put stock into what others think of his relationship or marriage.

If you’re single and dating, you might say, “Oh wow I didn’t ask your opinion (if one of her friends is rude or nasty).”

Here’s the bottom line (cause Stone Cold…)

Don’t let the opinions of others, or the other people themselves affect how you show up in your dating life, relationship, or marriage. Here’s the reality guys, you are the one reading this blog post, not your girl, not her friends, and not her mother.

This is a blog post that says, don’t let anyone outside of your relationship, your marriage or your dating life affect how you show up. People suck, I say it all the time.

Your most calm, chill and attractive self is not going to get upset, butthurt or annoyed by the opinions of others outside of your relationship or your marriage.

Just like I won’t get flustered, frustrated, or shy about writing blog posts in Staten Island, NY where I have made a name for myself as a social worker for the last eight years.

Do you want the truth? Sometimes it’s hard for me to write posts like these because people know who I am and they will judge? But what am I supposed to do not write, speak my mind, or grow my business? Of course not?

So I just decided that I’m not going to let the opinions of others (if they even have them), form how I show up in my business.

Just like I don’t want you to let the opinions of others affect how you show up in your dating and relationship life.

If this blog post hit’s home and you’d like to follow along and work with me, below are some options.

If you’d like to work with me I am affiliated with Aurora Counseling Services. 

You can simply visit their website, and ask for Joe, I am there Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. To visit, click here. 

On Wednesdays at 7pm I host a free Men’s Therapy Group, where we talk about blog posts like this, and am strictly there as a support and guide for you. 

The group is held Every Wednesday at Aurora Counseling Services at 225 Victory BLVD, SI, NY 10301. Simply reach out to me if you have any questions. You are all more than welcome to come and receive any support I can offer. It is absolutely free.  You can learn more about that group here.

If you’d like to learn more about my work as a therapist in the world of dating and relationships, you can visit my homepage.

I am available for booking and appointments virtually, you can click here to contact me directly to book a free consultation. Click Here. 

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It is simply the six pictures I used to not just increase my dating life, but to match and date with my true ten.  Click Here to download.

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