Why a Dating App is really a Tool for your Dating Life, and Your Actions Matter More.

What is a Dating App For?

By the end of this blog post you’ll be able to appreciate dating apps as a helpful tool for  your dating life, and be motivated to take back the power you have to enjoy your dating life with confident, direct and simple actions. 

A Dating App is a tool 

Guys, a dating app is a tool. It’s a tool for you to help yourself grow and achieve all the success you want in your dating life, by giving you a chance to have more dates. 

Just like a savings account is a tool to save for a fun vacation, a dumbbell is a tool for a great workout, and a textbook is a tool to help you learn and grow. 

A dating app is no different than just another tool in your toolkit to help you work towards your goals and navigate the challenges in your life. But sometimes dating apps can be frustrating, and make the phone seem like it weighs more than the dumbbell. 

Here’s the brutal honest truth. Whether it's your dating life, getting in great shape, a fun vacation, or advancing your career;  the only person that is going to help you is yourself. Those tools are simply resources you have at your disposal along the way.  

If you want to enjoy your dating life, you have to be willing to grow. 

I love self-help and personal growth. As a therapist, I can probably say it is a common value amongst many of us in the profession. And if you are reading a blog post like this, chances are you also value growth and want to be better in your dating life.  

Besides, I also believe as humans we are wired for growth both physically, and in most aspects of life). If we weren’t, wouldn't we just work the same job, live at home and date the same girls, no matter how we felt about them.  

We grow because we want more for ourselves. Growing is what naturally happens when you work through challenges, problems and goals; whether it’s your dating life, a relationship or your marriage.  

The three actions YOU can take to help YOU enjoy your dating life. 

Action One: Kiss the girl: 

Be honest with yourself, have you ever gone on a date, realized you liked the girl, had a great time, but couldn’t bring yourself to kiss her?

How’d you feel after? Chances are not too good. 

You have to go for the kiss. Because going for it only helps your dating life, even in failure. Failure isn’t a bad thing, it’s a good thing. Why? Because you are choosing action, and being okay with what comes your way (success, or rejection).  

Besides, If she likes you, she’ll kiss you back, and isn’t that what you want? So why not go for it? 

Here’s a fun story about how not kissing a girl on the date will cause immediate pain and have it lingering. 

When I went on my first date after ending an eight year relationship, I had no idea what to expect; nonetheless this girl was into me. She liked me enough to come back to my place and watch the Bengals Dolphins game on Thursday night. 

But for some reason I decided to act like it was my first day on planet earth. I just  couldn’t muster up the courage to kiss her even when all of the signs were there. Instead I played Heads Up! I know, I know, not good Joseph. 

Here’s the real fun fact: I even texted her after saying, “I forgot to kiss you.” Do you know why? Because I felt the pain of not kissing her! Don’t be like a first date Joe-Joe. 

So when she left before I could go for the kiss (she waited long enough, trust me), I was frustrated and angry at myself. I felt more anger and frustration than I should have. I felt that pain of inaction for days, maybe even weeks.

I texted her three or four days later and didn’t answer. Could you blame her? I can’t. 

I’m lucky that I can now write posts like this because I was able to build my confidence. Always go for the kiss and turn the cheek, (right babe)?

Look I don’t share these stories to take up blog post space; I share them because we all have these experiences of dating failures, insecurities, and doubts. I know what it’s like to feel them, and want you to navigate your pain and grow in your dating life, just like I did. 

Guys, I’ve gotten cheeks and been told no, it happens. I even heard, “No, no, no kiss (That was a disaster).”  But the cool thing is you get to look back, smile, and laugh. But you can only look back, smile and laugh, if you take action, repeatedly. 

I really hope if you are reading a post like this we both agree, you will feel a lot better after going for that kiss, then not going for it. 

 You might say you didn’t go for the kiss because  “I didn’t know if she liked me.” 

Look, If she rejects you, you’ll likely feel, “Damn that sucked.” It will feel like a sting of embarrassment, but then that’s it, it’s over. 

That moment is over. The rest of the emotion will simmer away by the next morning. Then it's just a fun story to tell you and your friends. 

What’s worse? The embarrassment of rejection or the pain of overthinking and not doing it?

If you are reading a blog like this, I’m sure we chose the same answer. That pain of not kissing her can linger. It can linger to thoughts which can have you thinking…, 

• “I wonder if she likes me.” 

• “I wonder if she’ll go out with me again.” 

• “I don’t know if I should ask her out again.”

 Then you tell yourself, 

• “I’m not going to text her, it’s stupid.”

You’ll likely follow it up with a reason to not ask her out like she lives too far, or some other reason that you know is not reflective of how you really feel.

But be honest, what is really your truth? She lives too far, or you don't want to face the elements of possible rejection (i.e, being ghosted, the text exchange, or the unknown). 

Action Number Two: Call the Girl: 

If you are reading this, then there is a good chance you have had that two or three date dream girl (or maybe four or five dates, you get the point).

That’s the girl you went out with a few times and know you’re a little more caught up with her emotionally than you should be. 

Here’s how calling the girl will make your dating life better: You are taking action; not just thinking about when she’ll text you.

Usually this thought of, “Oh my god, when is she going to text me,’’’ follows you checking your phone and just feeling frustrated.  Sound familiar? I know it does for me. 

Instead, calling the girl will have you taking the action you want to by asking her out for that next date. Now, if we do work together, we’ll work out when to call her, but that’s a blog post for another time. 

More importantly, the action you choose to take is WAAAYYY more important than the logistics of when you call her. At the end of the day she’ll either say yes, ‘I’d love to go out again’ or no (or not answer the phone. You get the point). 

Either way you are taking direct action toward your goal, which is how we enjoy not just our dating lives, but most things in life we do want to enjoy, and grow!

Tell me guys, what’s more attractive,

A guy who is content to just ask the girl out via text or someone who says, I’m different, I’m not afraid to call you and express my interest, I want that next date. 

Calling the girl erases the doubt and wonder, while reducing the emotions you feel caused by you thinking and overthinking about this girl, (just don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s natural you went out with her, you like her, you want to see her again).

** Note: If a girl texts you first, don’t think you have to pick up the phone and call her. It’s something worth mentioning, which I’m sure you already know. Just make the damn date. 

Now, by not calling the girl and thinking about her, you are allowing her to take up time, and energy in your head. tThis just makes your dating life more frustrating and less fun. Dating is going to be less fun if our emotions are hung up with a girl. 

We are less likely to feel those emotions and be hung up if we know we have a plan of action and follow through with it.  

Tip: If she wants to go out with you, and likes you, she’ll answer the phone, if she doesn’t, she likely won’t. Did anything bad happen here? You know the answer is no. Just call the girl. This is something you guys already naturally know, just do it!

Action Number Three: Talk to girls:

Let’s be brutally honest. If you are reading a blog post like this, then you probably hate everything that comes along with this. From the emotions, the angst, and the nerves you feel right before you even make that decision to go say hello. 

It can feel like climbing a mountain instead of just saying hello to another human. But I get it, it doesn’t feel as simple as it sounds. My goal with you is to make it just something you normally do, something that is just a natural part of who you are.  

But what happens when we don’t talk to that girl, or the girls we want too. It compounds the issue, the thought, the emotion, and only makes it harder to just break this crappy cycle of inaction.   

Then you start to look at that dating app for validation, or your phone for that girl you like to text you, or just check social media for no reason. Now your own validation and enjoyment is outside of you, simply because you were unable to take the action you know you want to. 

The more you don’t say hello to that girl, the more you don’t say, “You’re cute, what’s your name,’” The harder this part of your dating life gets. That makes it harder to take the action you want in the other parts of your dating life, like calling that girl and going for the first date kiss.

Why choose inaction in one part of your dating life, and action in the others. Why choose to put a crappy ingredient in your part (not talking to girls), with the good ingredients (talking to girls, and kissing them).

Let’s be honest; This is likely the hardest one of the three decisive actions to take (emotionally that is) but it might be the most important. You are showing yourself you can do something uncomfortable, but important.  

Here’s the one thing I’d love for you to take from this blog post. 

Do the little things, every day, (you decide what they are), day in and day out. If you do do them, six months from now you won’t be reading a blog post like this. This won't even be on your side of the internet. 

Even if it’s just smiling when you are going for a lunchtime walk. You can get into the habit of just being friendly, smiling. Even that is a small way to move your dating life forward.  

What do you mean? How? Because you have to smile and be friendly when you say hello to that girl, so might as well practice it in the other parts of your life. 

I know you’re tired of going out with your friends on the weekends, going home and talking to one or two girls, or sometimes none. 

I know you’re tired of feeling angry with yourself when you thought a girl was interested, but you didn’t even go up to her and say hello. . 

Maybe you’re just tired of being hungover, and drinking more than you want too, so you can mask the feelings of rejection. If you are reading this blog it’s time to deal with rejection, not masking it by drinking more than you want too. 

Look, I want you to go out with your friends and have a good time. I also want you to be realistic with yourself as to why you are going out. 

You’re going out to meet girls. You want to talk to one or two girls (and then definitely way more). You want to feel better, take action and make progress. 

Why? Do you want to talk to girls and make progress? Because deep down you want your true ten! The trick is to learn to enjoy your dating life along the way. 

How I Help You In Therapy and Dating. 

We work together to change your thoughts, form simple actions and to slowly experience different emotions that lead to a sustained change in this part of your life. 

Together we’ll change how you show up in your dating life for the girls you date, the girls you meet, and most importantly, yourself. 

I want you to be a man of action, not a man of reading blog posts, self-help books and watching instagram reels. I want you to just kiss her and, ”Go for it (Insert Rocky V reference).”  

**Yes I made a Rocky V reference (come on guys it wasn’t a bad movie, just not as good as the other Rocky’s). 

I want you to enjoy the fact that you went out with a girl and had a great time with her. Next you just have to know when to call her, and what to say when you do (in your own confident and attractive voice). Maybe it sounds like this…

• “Hey, Tara ...small talk for a minute….

• “I’d love to see you again, when are you free?”

And best of all, I want you to get more and more comfortable with talking to girls, “Shooting your shot” if you will. Why? Because that is the best way to give you more options, not a dating app. 

**Disclaimer, if you want to get good at,” Game,” this is not the page or service for you. I love that stuff too, but that is not who I am as a therapist or what this service is about.  

I work with you to overcome all of your insecurities and doubts  that you feel around your dating life so you can enjoy it. We do this by taking the actions we want to, repeatedly, until it’s just a natural part of who you are.  

When it comes to talking to girls, I want you to go from “Oh my god here it goes (right before you go talk to her)” to, “Okay that wasn’t so bad.” And then just doing it repeatedly. Then we can refine your approach for more consistent results. 

Now what about our, “Tool,” the dating APP, 

Well it is a tool, and don’t forget it can help us with our dating lives. By giving us more matches, and more dates. A dating app will give you more chances to work out the kinks of that first date kiss. 

It will give you more chances to call girls for that second and third date that you really like. It will give you a chance to practice calling the girls you like with confidence for that next date. 

But a dating app will not fix your dating life, only you can.

That is why my True Ten Dating Profile Checklist is Free.

I want you to have it. I know you want to grow and do better in your dating life, just like I want to grow in this business. The checklist is just a natural part of us working together, but not the entire part.  

So what is the True Ten Dating Profile Checklist? It is the exact profile I used to match with, date and be with my true ten. 

This checklist will help you with dating apps, your dating profile, and give you more chances and confidence to go out and do all of the attractive things to help you enjoy your dating life with confidence and growth.  

You’ll have more chances to call girls for the second and third date, more opportunities to kiss girls on a first date, and more confidence (a secondary but not direct gain), when you go out. 

Now What Does the Checklist Consist of?

1. It is a downloadable pdf with detailed articles of each of the six pictures I took to match with, date and be with my true ten. Each picture is its own article. 

2. The articles are broken down step by step as they incorporate and explain the information I paid a whole lot of money for (what pictures to take and how to take them). 

2a. Then I explain how I made each picture  a version of myself, with all the elements that make a great dating profile picture and profile. . 

3. Lastly, the articles discuss how you can do the exact same thing for yourself. How you can  take all of the information, and apply it to you; for your dating profile, the dating app, and the girl looking at it. If I can do it, you can do it. 

Bonus: I also included prompts in there as well that convey who you are, while being attractive, fun, and peaking a girl's interests. 

You can download the profile below, All it costs is a name, and email address. 

https://blog.datingandrelationship.services/the-high-value-diy-dating-profile-checklist. 

If you’d like to work with me my therapy services are exclusively virtual. You can email here to set up an appointment for a free consultation.