How to Make her Stop Texting You and Go Out with You
Tell me if this sounds familiar. You match with a girl on a dating app, get her number, then all of a sudden, in the next couple of days there is a fair amount of texting between the two of you going on.
Before you know these texts over a few days have become a few weeks. Your emotions are going way up, you’re getting more invested in her, and seeing her, meanwhile there barely isn’t even a date set yet.
Then something happens, when it actually comes time for the date, she cancels, ghosts you, and the date never happens. If you’re reading a blog post like this there’s a good chance this has happened to you.
Which is why today’s blog post is all about how to avoid it! It’s about avoiding the pitfall of you never going out with that girl you started to really like, hoping you will, and then being crushed when it doesn’t happen. That’s why today’s blog post is…
How to avoid too much texting and get her on the date.
It would be completely unfair to not cite the rule that really helped me get this part of my life right and overcome this experience. I learned this from Corey Wayne’s book Three Percent Man, in which he discusses how the phone is for setting appointments, not getting to know someone (Wayne, 2013).
You can read more about his work at UnderstandingRelationships.com
This blog post is all about being sharing how I learned this the hard way, and how you can take away from this experience, to start doing things better today!
How to Start Doing Better?
It starts with that text message, how we see it, and what we do about it. What exactly is a text message from a girl? A phone call, or even a facetime?
For you, it’s a chance to make a date, and for the girl it’s a reflection of how she feels in that moment, wanting your time, and attention (and hopefully a date with you).
Ultimately, we never know what her real interest is until she is out with at the bar, or across from you a dinner. That text message means one thing, she is thinking about you, the next thing to find out is, does she want to see you?
The reason for this blog post is to stop you from not just over texting and possibly chasing her out of her life but protecting against your emotions and investment in that girl.
I want you to know exactly how to avoid not just experiencing those unpleasant emotions, of the canceled date, but to stop making the mistakes that not just bring a cancelled date, but also have you feeling hurt, and disappointed.
How I learned this?
Let’s keep it real, I had to not just experience this, but also had to learn to do better, to be able to write about it, and not just share the mistakes with you, but eventually the successes, so here it goes.
Several months after first re-entering the dating scene I matched with a girl on a dating app, and later that night got her number.
Before I knew it, we texted a little bit that night and then the next day or two. I’m pretty sure I tried to make plans with her but couldn’t get her out on the date.
More importantly, and even worse, those couple of days of text messages, turned into weeks, even a good month. She never did go out with me.
When we finally had a date scheduled, she told me her car broke down. Did it really break down? Who knows, and also who cares? The bottom line is she didn’t want to go out with me.
Here is the point
All of this texting for hours, into days, and then over the course of several weeks had my emotions really digging this girl. I thought about how cute she was, what a nice body she had, and just assumed we’d hang out and then be all over each other.
I failed to take the action I really wanted to, which was to make a plan, make a date, and go out with her. I failed to genuinely express my romantic interest.
**THIS is what I want you to take from this blog post, express your romantic interest!
During one flirtatious conversation, I remember being all shy when she talked about kissing or being affectionate. I failed to say, “I can’t wait to kiss you, you’re hot (essentially what I really wanted to say),”
I don’t remember exactly what that conversation was, but I do remember feeling extremely uncomfortable during this flirty moment, which she had totally sensed.
Here I was talking to this girl for days/weeks and I couldn’t even say, how I really felt, when
It’s easy get Validation from Texts and Phone Calls.
Let’s be very honest, we’ve all been there and done that, when a girl we like texts us, or calls us, and we see that name or unsaved number on our phone and are smiling a little more than we should, we text a little more than we should and probably overthink a little more than we should.
The reason why we have that smile on our face is because we feel validated, that this girl who we have been thinking about, and have a little bit of emotional investment in, likes us back (apparently).
Here’s the bottom line, when she does decide to reach out to you, it’s because she feels like doing so in that moment. What’s more important is your response. It’s your job to find out does she want to get together, or not.
When you do ask her to hangout
She feels something. She feels you are serious about getting together, and not just content to text all day. It’s as if she is feeling your strength, as communicate in your own way, it’s nice to hear from you, but I really want to see you.
The trick is to just say it but say it in YOUR own way. Think about it and ask yourself. How would you text it, or say it, if you were to tell her, “It’s great hearing from you, we got to get together, when are you free.?”
Would it sound just like that? Or would it sound a little different. How would it sound from you if you were just keeping it real saying you’re happy to hear from her and want to see her.
This keeps your emotions not so quick to engage
Face it guys, the more we text a girl, talk to a girl, think about the girl, the more invested we become. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s kind of the fun of dating.
At the same time, we also don’t want to get our emotions hung up on a girl, and more invested in that we haven’t met yet.
By you always suggesting plans, when she does text you, you show her strength and committment to a date, not to be a digital pen pal.
You give her a reason to say Yes (to a date), no, or maybe (essentially a no, but you get the point). Then the conversation just naturally ends. It didn’t end because you were rude, it ended because she wasn’t willing to make plans, which is what you want.
What if she says yes?
Of course she’ll say yes. Because you are reading this blog post you little gangsta! Then freeking great, start making plans. Make sure you have an exact day, time, and place; one more thing I learned from Corey Wayne.
If she says no? Then you move on. In your own words you say, “We’ll let me know when you can, I’d love to see you.” When you say this, after she says no, the conversation will naturally end, that is okay.
Besides guys? Do you really want to be talking to someone and investing time and energy to someone who isn’t willing to make plans to go out with you? If you are reading a blog post like this, hopefully the answer is not anymore.
You are simply communicating your intent with an invitation.
I want you to ask yourself one more time, how would it sound, (say it out loud even), if you said that girl you’d love to see her (your intent), followed by asking her when she’s free.
You are using the phone to simply communicate your intention, to see her and make a date. Let her see and feel that is what your all about, not be her texting buddy/ validation spot. This allows to use the phone to go for what you want, a date.
You’re using the phone to express your romantic interest, not validate yourself, and keep her interested in you.
I write these blog posts because
Four years ago, I was reading blog posts like this, watching videos like this, and reading books like this.
Through endless work on myself, I was finally able to enjoy my dating life, be with my true ten, and incorporate it into my business as a therapist.
As a therapist I work primarily with men who want to navigate and do better in the world of dating, relationships, and their marriage.
If you’d like to read more blog posts like these and follow along as I grow this business, you can subscribe below to my Email Newsletter.
