How to Truly Help Yourself
I know for myself, and a lot of people come to therapy, because they truly want to change their behavior. They are unhappy with something, whether it’s their marriage, their dating or even their relationship.
Most importantly, it’s not just that they feel unhappy, there is real pain, real frustration associated with this behavior, sometimes it’s even guilt. At the end of the day, no matter what, there is a real emotion behind something, the behavior that is causing the pain.
So yeah, if you are constantly saying to yourself, that I want to be a better husband, not feel jealous with my girlfriend, or fix my dating life, it’s probably time to make a change.
So why don’t we make that change, talk to that cute girl at the bar, buy that personal growth and development course, and not be angry with our wives, or our girlfriends. Because we feel pain, and a behavior that is cyclical, and repeatable. It sucks.
As a therapist, who has truly immersed himself in the world of self-help and personal growth I get it. It’s hard to change that behavior. It’s not a snap decision, it’s not easy and it’s not fun. The first catalyst that drove that change was the emotional pain and frustration I felt in my dating life.
Why is it so hard to change that behavior?
Let’s start from the beginning, it’s hard to change that behavior, because literally it is how we are wired, from physically, to devices, to routines to the things we tell ourselves.
But something is off, you tell yourself the same thing, how you can change it, the plan to do better, and how one day you can truly do better.
But somehow we still get stuck, we may even do that good behavior once or twice, but that repeated change, that consistent behavior, that duplication is so hard.
You know you want to change, stop those recurring thoughts, wishful thinking, and emotional pain, but you don’t know how.
We get caught up in things like,
“I’ll start Monday”
I’ll start next week
“Why is she such a bitch?”
“I just can’t stop”
Or even “I don’t know.”
The truth is you know exactly what to do, whether it’s going to the gym, talking to that girl, calling that girl up yo want to see again, or keeping your cool with your wife or girl.
The truth is…You know exactly what to do?
It’s true, you know exactly what to do if you need to lose ten to twenty pounds, you need to wake up and go to the gym. If you are tired of going out with your friends, and that awful feeling of not talking to girls, you know exactly what you need to do.
You know that you can’t be calling your wife names, raising your voice, or god knows what.
And to my guys in relationships, you know that you can’t be acting jealous, and needy in your relationship.
So, Here’s How You do it
You accept the fact that you need to do it, and you go do it. You understand there is going to be resistance, pain, difficulty and not easy, but you do it.
This applied to me when I was dating my true ten (and if she’s reading this, she knows exactly she’s cute, sweet and awesome).
Was it easy, really changing my behavior to be more attractive? Hell no! But I did it.
That’s where I help you.
I help you truly change that behavior, but with simple actions that start the behavior. We accept the fact that it’s going to suck and you just have to do it.
The truth is I help you in such a way, that it’s not going to suck that bad, you get used to it, you even enjoy it, and then you see a true difference. Which to me embodies personal growth.
I want you to see that you truly can get to the gym everyday, or five to six days a week, and start doing it.
I want you to see you can talk to that girl and create that awesome dating profile (which if you check out my services page I help with).
I want you to see through simple actions anything is possible, it’s just repeated simple actions over and over, that get us the results we want.
The trick is to understand those actions are easy…
While those actions are easy, there are going to be emotions, physical sensations, urges, and just routines, things you tell yourselves and scripts, that make them not repeatable.
Screw it, they are repeatable, it’s just getting to understand those barriers, those things that stop us and working through it.
Do you know how bad I wanted dunkin donuts this morning? Very badly, but I didn’t get it in the morning for the last three days. Why? Because I want to change my behavior to get in better shape and not spend money on things I don’t love or need.
As a Therapist I get it…Change is Hard
But what’s more important, change is hard or you just have to do it?
If you are reading this, it’s probably the latter.
If any of this article hits home and you; like , contact me, and see if I can help you with your change and growth. Contact Me Here.
