Men: How to communicate with love and ease?
Whether you are married, in a relationship or single and dating. You have to do and say what is in your heart.
Now that does not mean to do it or say it with fear, or anger. Just because you feel angry with your wife, girlfriend, or the cashier at Key Food, doesn’t mean you get to act like an asshole.
When you do feel anger, it might be time to speak your truth in a kind and loving way, no matter what you feel.
Let me ask you this. If you love your wife or girlfriend, but feel you can’t speak your truth (in a kind and loving way) then what is the point of that relationship? To hold in what you really feel. That’s not a fun way to have any relationship.
Previously, I’ve written blog posts about giving your wife or girlfriend the time and space they need when they are away (ex. Vacation, night out, weekend away).
Now, I’m going to contradict myself…a bit.
If you notice or feel that she didn't call you or text you when she did get home, and you really feel pain, and hurt, it’s okay to say…
“Hey babe, next time you go out just do me a favor, give me a text that says” ‘Babe, I’m home, love you miss you, good night).’
Then you have to zip it and give your wife or girlfriend a chance to say, “I’m sorry, my bad, I should have.” or “What are you talking about (sounding annoyed or even rude behind it?).”
Now I will say, asking for a text is needy behavior (come on guys really, and yes I’ve been there and felt those emotions).
You just need to decide what’s more important, working on that neediness, that feeling of needing a text, or communicating your heart and truth with love and kindness.
The truth is not being needy, and also communicating with love and kindness are both important parts of any healthy relationship. Agree or Disagree?
Speaking, feeling, and hearing your truth also pours into other aspects of our lives.
For example, if you want to get in great shape, and keep telling yourself how you are going to start working out and eating better, that is your heart telling you what it wants, and your mind telling you what it has to do.
What should you do? Take that action that is aligned with your heart, mind, and body.
Yes, that action will be hard, but more importantly, it is the action that is aligned with your heart, mind, and body.
The same goes for my single and dating friends.
When you see that cute girl, you really want to say hello to, your heart is really saying, I’d love to be able to go over there and say, “You’re really cute, what is your name.”
But your mind is also saying something else. It’s saying, ‘Don’t go and then will send you these messages through a painful feeling at times.’
Or it says it with your thought of, “Never mind she’s busy,” “She’s with her friends,” or, “Not now, later, I need one or two more drinks.”
Imagine having this internal dialogue with yourself at the gym. “Go workout,” “No go home,”, “Just a few more sets,” “Come on, that’s enough for today.”
That would be mentally exhausting, besides physically from the actual workout part.
Internal Dialogue Sucks
Internal dialogue grows louder with less action not aligned to the things your heart and mind are saying to you. Internal dialogue and emotions also simmer down when you do take those simple actions aligned with what you really feel and say to yourself.
As a therapist I help you speak your truth to your wife or girlfriend and speak it in a loving and kind way. Once we speak your truth I also make sure you take the action you want, to make your relationship, your marriage and your dating life, awesome, fun, and loving.
I also do the same if you are single and dating, I take you from fear and uncertainty to, “You’re cute, what’s your name?”And then even better, calling that girl out for that date, whether it’s the first, second, or third date.
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