Therapy for Men: What is confidence
Aristotle once said, “You are what you do repeatedly.” So, guys if you want to be confident with dating, then, you have to be able to do those confident actions repeatedly.
In my training as a therapist, and my own experience, confidence is doing the same thing over and over again, until you are just really good at it, and then keep on doing it!
So, what are the things as men we have to do over and over again?
Is it going to the gym?
Is it saving for that fun vacation and paying bills?
Is it developing and advancing our careers?
Is it speaking, asking out, and being direct when talking to women?
Let’s be honest men, if we were truly confident in our dating and relationship lives, we wouldn’t have found a blog post like this.
The consequences of not being confident
Is it causing pain and doubt?
Is it causing you to think about a girl and fixate on someone you used went out on a few dates with, or even an ex?
Do you find yourself frustrated after a night out with your friends. Are you frustrated you didn’t say hello to that girl you really wanted to, or thought you missed an opportunity to get a number or just to show your interest?
Do you find yourself scrolling endlessly on YouTube, Reddit, and all other sorts of pages on your social media?
Do you find yourself spending money on boosts, dating profiles, and dating apps? Maybe you are even thinking about buying a dating coach or program?
Quite frankly, not being confident in dating sucks.
It leaves us with not taking the action you really want to take, like calling that girl, because we are worried she’ll reject us. What were really worried about though is that calling her will have us experiencing pain.
This causes us to that undesired behavior (not calling) over and over again, until it becomes almost a learned behavior, almost a learned helplessness.
Not being confident in dating will have you spending more time on your phone scrolling dating apps and swiping than it while actually doing the little things that build the confidence.
Guys, dating apps and profiles are meant to supplement your dating life, get you started and build some confidence in dating, not be your whole dating life.
Even worse, not being confident will have you not willing to rescue yourself from this rut and searching for a quick fix. Even worse it might have you trying a quick fix that will never work in the long run.
I get it guys; I was once there myself.
Let’s be honest, if you are reading a blog like this, you are either feeling the pain of not being confident in dating, and the consequences of it, or once that pian yourself.
If you find yourself not feeling confident, here is the good news.
It means you want to really work on this part of your life. It means you are willing to change your actions and make the actions a permanent part of who you are. Someone who sin single, dating, and confident.
You are ready to do the little things. You’re willing to do them so six months from now, you can look back and go, wow, I really came a long way, and progress sure does feel good! You can see that progress and even better, feel it.
Guys, I know one thing, I do not want you reading a post like this six months from now. I want you writing me in or sharing a success story on how you overcame dating struggles.
How I help You?
As a therapist I help you build that confidence to exactly where you want it to be. If you want to be so confident, you can walk up to any girl in a bar, tell her how cute she is, and ask for her phone number, that is the level of confidence I work with you to attain.
Eventually it will feel just like ordering a slice of pizza from your favorite pizzeria.
I help you grow into the person you want to be. I know that person you want to be is in you, otherwise you never would have come across this post. We are all growth oriented. I simply help you navigate the emotions and take the simple actions to achieve the growth you want to in your dating life.
For the clients I work with, the place where we work to get to be having you walk up to that girl and say, “You’re cute, what’s your name.?” Of course, the little caveat is those are my words, I work with you to develop your voice, and your words.
In my line of work, it’s more than just a “Line.” It’s us saying, I know exactly how I feel at this moment, and it’s more important to me to take this action, then your response to it. It’s you saying to yourself, the most important thing in this moment is taking the action I want to.
Now, do we hope the outcome is favorable? Of course we do. Of course, we want a shared mutual interest from the girl we approach. But the reality is we don’t know, what her interest will be, nor her response.
But guys, what’s more important, you put your interest and intent out there in a direct decisive manner? Or the result/ response from the girl.
If you are reading this blog, I certainly hope you chose option one!
As a therapist I am always going to meet you where you are at
That means identifying your comfort level when talking to girls, while pushing you to still make all the progress you want to make.
I work with you to build the confidence you want in this part of your life. Once you have that confidence you can do it repeatedly, over and over again.
Once you are able to do that, going out with your friends will be more enjoyable, fun and another frustrating night out where you just beat yourself up, and just doing the same thing all over again next week.
For the men I work with, being confident in the dating world is being able to say to that girl, “You’re cute, what's your name?”
As we work together to optimize your dating life, we continuously identify the next steps along the way, so you can continue to make progress.
That also includes calling that girl and asking her out on that date. Whether it is a girl you went out on a few dates with or just met.
Contact Me
If you’d like my help to work with me, you can contact me here. Click Here.
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