Therapy for Men: What is confidence?
Aristotle once said, “You are what you do repeatedly.” So guys, if you want to be confident with dating, then, you have to be able to do those confident actions repeatedly.
In my training as a therapist, and in my own experience, confidence is doing the same thing over and over again, until you are just really good at it, and then keep on doing it!
So, what are the things as men we have to do over and over again?
Is it going to the gym?
Is it saving for that fun vacation and paying bills?
Is it developing and advancing our careers?
Is it speaking to, asking out, and being direct when expressing your interest to a woman.
Let’s be honest men, if we were truly confident in our dating and relationship lives, we wouldn’t have found a blog post like this.
The consequences of not being confident
Is it causing pain and doubt?
Is it causing you to think about a girl and fixate on someone you went with on on a few dates with, or an ex?
Do you find yourself frustrated after a night out with your friends? Are you frustrated you didn’t say hello to that girl you really wanted to? Or mad at yourself for missing an opportunity to get a girl’s number or show your interest?
Do you find yourself scrolling endlessly on YouTube, Reddit, and all sorts of pages on your social media?
Do you find yourself spending money on boosts, dating profiles, and dating apps? Maybe you are even thinking about a dating coach or dating program (almost like a quick fix)?
Have you ever found yourself overthinking about calling a girl?
If you have found yourself overthinking about calling a girl you, the cause is simple. You are not confident in your dating life. You are not confident that you can take the action you really want to (just calling and asking her out), without some terrible thing happening, such as…
I’m busy this month.
The phone is off.
It goes to voicemail.
I’m not sure.
Or worse case scenario: “No I’m not interested.”
Guys, ask yourself this, if you do call and get one of these responses, are any of them so bad? Would you rather call, be direct and confident and express your interest? Or would you rather avoid, and do a back and forth for hours or days?
Remember guys, this is a blog post about building confidence, that means doing the simple but hard thing repeatedly.
That is how we build confidence. As a therapist and a dating coach, that is exactly what I want you to be, confident. The only way to be more confident in asking girls out is by doing it directly, over and over again.
The important of this article is we have to to do the little things repeatedly that make us confident in the long run.
Not being confident in dating will have you
Spending more time on your phone scrolling dating apps and swiping than doing the simple things that will build your confidence.
Guys, dating apps and profiles are meant to supplement your dating life, get you started and build some confidence in dating, not be your whole dating life.
If you do not feel confident, how can you expect to act and do the confident behavior? Something has to change. Otherwise, the negative feeling and undesired behavior will just continue.
I work with you to change that behavior. We change that behavior by repeating it over and over again. We build your confidence slowly, steadily and at your pace.
I get it guys; I was once there myself.
Let’s be honest, if you are reading a blog like this you are probably not confident in your dating life. You probably feel the consequences of overthinking and avoiding.
Here is the good news.
If you are here, you want to work on this part of your life. You want to change your actions, and make it a permanent part of who you are and what you do. Just like going to the gym and eating healthy.
You want to be able to grow, change your behavior, make progress, and call it a day.
Guys, I do not want you reading a post like this six months from now. I want you writing me in about how you are slowly changing your actions, and now feel more confident in your dating life.
How I help You?
As a therapist I help you build your confidence to exactly where you want it to be. If you want to be confident enough to walk up to any girl at a bar, tell her how cute she is, and ask for her number, then that is exactly what we will build together.
I help you develop the simple actions needed to build your confidence. Eventually you’ll be asking girls out like it is ordering your favorite slice of pizza (like the white slice, at that overpriced pizzeria, that you still go to, even though you complain about)…Anyways…
I help you grow into the person you want to be. I know that person you want to be is in you, otherwise you never would have come across this post. We are all growth oriented. I help you navigate the emotions and take the simple actions to achieve the growth you want to in your dating life.
In our work together, it is about doing the simple action, despite the emotion you feel. Confidence in our work together is choosing the action, not being attached to an outcome.
Do we hope the outcome is favorable, of course we do. We would love for that girl to express interest too. The reality is she might not, we simply don’t know.
Here’s the truth. You’re the one reading this post, not her. The work is on you. You get to choose what is more important. Is it expressing your interest or the result?
If you are reading this blog, I certainly hope you chose the former.
As a therapist I meet you where you’re at
That means identifying your comfort level when talking to girls, while pushing you to still make all the progress you want to make.
I work with you to build the confidence you want in this part of your life. Once you have that confidence you can do it repeatedly, over and over again.
Once you are able to do that, going out with your friends will be enjoyable and fun, and not another frustrating night out, where you just beat yourself up for not talking to a girl.
For the men I work with, being confident in the dating world is being able to say in your voice, “You’re cute, what's your name ?”
As we work together to optimize your dating life, we identify the next steps along the way so you can continue to make progress.
Contact Me
If you’d like my help to work with me, you can contact me here. Click Here.
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