In A Relationship? How to remove the pain and have fun.
The pain points and fixing it.
What are those things that we consistently tell ourselves, almost our pain points? What are those values we have that sometimes do not align with our actions?
Oftentimes the pain we are experiencing is because the values don’t align with our actions, and that is what is causing true pain.
The good news, you can totally fix it, it’s not easy, but the truth is action is a result of simply taking action towards your goals.
Action is simply your commitment to yourself to do what is important, and cut out what is not important, whether you are single and dating, in a relationship or married.
Now I really want to try to make this as tangible as possible, which won’t be easy, but let’s do it.
Men if you are in a relationship? What I want to know is what are your pain points? What are things you consistently say to yourself over and over?
If I’m a betting man, I’d also bet there are things you can do and not do that might cause this emotional stress to go away, just even a little bit?
A relationship is meant to be enjoyed, not tolerated, or gamified
You see guys, a relationship is meant to be enjoyed, simply do what you have to do to enjoy that relationship, there are essential fundamentals you can do to enjoy it.
Like making sure you take your girl out once a week, (at least), no where fancy, just somewhere fun, new, and interesting.
If you miss her, and want to make plans to reach out, don’t just sit there waiting for her to text you or call her.
Of course you have to be indifferent if she can’t make plans or doesn’t want to. The truth is life is simple, we just make it complicated. Want to see your girl, call her and invite her out to make plans.
Guys, be your own man, have your own values, your own hobbies, your own friends and your own relationships that you nurture. Don’t neglect these things, build your life.
Live consistently with how you want to live, and also how you can live. This makes your relationship fun and she wants to join.
Some real world items you can implement today
Here’s a couple of tangible rules I’m going to put down here to enjoy a relationship.
1. When you don’t have plans set up, give yourself 24 hours to hear from her, if not, call her up and just say “Baby, I wanna see you.” Give her the chance to either say hell yeah or ehhh not now.
a. If she say’s hell yeah, great, make the plans, if she says ehhh, I don’t know, be ok with it, alright just let me know when you’re free and we’ll do something. Just give her a little more time and space.
2. Plan dates because you genuinely want to take her out, not because it’s an obligation, or you, “Just want to get something to eat. “
a. Guys, I want you to be in a relationship where you really look forward to taking your girl out, guilt free, and no questions asked.
Somewhere nice, once in a while, but don’t feel the need to break the bank and go somewhere like that all the time.
b. Guys, if you are constantly going places where you feel pressured to spend money, or nice places or things, that’s not going to be sustainable and also not going to be enjoyable for you.
3. Drive your fun bus in a way that is congruent to you. Look personally I love a live cover band, I like a fruity cocktail, I like new places.
I try to do have one of those in mind when planning a date, it all adds up and I don’t feel the need, compelled or pressure to break the bank, I’m simply doing things I like doing, with the person I love.
a. At the same time, know what she likes and loves, so you can plan an awesome date around those things as well, keep it simple, fun, light and even pleasant.
Don’t plan the perfect date, just plan the time and place.
b.. Trust me when I say I have been there and done that with overplanning dates, especially in the dating phase, not fun!!
Stop yourself, pick a place or thing that looks fun, and call it a day. Besides when a girl likes or loves you for you, she is not going to care, if it wasn’t the perfect date.
c. . Besides guys, do you really want to be with someone who is going to have expectations for your date?
Like they have to eat at the 50-100 dollar places on google maps, or Michelin Star Restaurants.
In a relationship there are totally going to be pain points, I get it. I’ve been there and done that, they are not fun.
My real point here is you are in control, you’re in charge, you have the penis, be in charge of it, in a way that is fun fulfilling to you and also makes your life easy.
Looking at my work on myself, and my work with others, I see these frustrations in relationships, and usually it is based on expectations.
In my work with my clients in relationships, it truly is about dropping those expectations, being indifferent, but also being able to enjoy your relationship.
So here’s a few more tips in terms of a mindset and emotions and some actions/plans.
1. Emotionally: Chill the F out
Yes that’s hard, but it’s real. Chill out if she can’t see you today, or when you want. Also, that’s why it’s sometimes better to ask hey when are you free?
Rather than for a specific day, leaves it more open and the plans to see you are her idea, and also creates way less expectation on your end to see her for a specific day.
2. Have a plan:
a. Simply just pick a day and time to call and make plans, and be different when you do make those plans.
Sometimes it is better to ask what day is good for her, rather than wanna hangout tonight?
b. Why? Because then seeing you when she does is her idea, and it’s when she is ready.
