A Therapist Guide in Personal Growth and Development.

Nov 10

Written By Joseph Gherman

Growth is changes, time and simple actions.

As a therapist it’s what I pride myself in being able to do. To help you navigate and make the changes you want to make, so you can take your sources of frustration, anger, and insecurities and turn them into confidence, courage, and true progress in your own development and your relationship with your loved ones.

Getting clear about these changes is simply a matter of you listening to yourself, your voice, your frustrations, and the things we tell ourselves over and over again.

Emotions Crowd Our Plate; Actions Make it Clearer.

The truth is emotions crown our plate, while the actions we decide to take, make our plate clear. These actions create a purpose and direction for the changes we need to make and ultimately growing into the person you want to become.

By using infinite patience, time, and simple actions these small changes help us truly navigate the success we want and happiness we want.

You see, we all have a human experience that is filled with emotion. These emotions interact with either in-action (example not going to the gym) or too much action (example over drinking/eating) usually guided by a mindset or a recurring thought of fear, doubt, that we need to replace with positivity, courage, and simple actions.

I know the experience of being frustrated in dating, not having the type of relationship I truly wanted. I also know what it’s like to not just be able to say, sure let’s hope on a plane, or get in the car and go here for a night or fun vacation, or work where are aren’t welcomed.

You see these are my experiences, my story, it’s what I overcame, and worked to overcome, and still work to overcome. Many of us men have similar experiences and frustrations in the world of dating, our relationships, or marriages, and even with just getting in shape, and living the kind of lives we truly want to live.

My goal with this blog and series is simply to point it out, and help you take the little actions that truly move your life forward, whether it is making your marriage better, dating the type of girl you really want to date, or going on that dream vacation.

It’s your job to let out, it’s our job to figure it out.

As a therapist, it’s more than just my job to listen and validate. It’s my job to help you let it out, so that you can figure it out. I’m proud to say I’m not perfect, because the truth is progress is not linear, there are setbacks, there are rough times, but they don’t last forever, as long as you keep moving forward.

To truly serve you, this business has to grow in how it serves you.

You see, this business and service began with me wanting to serve a population of men who were single and dating, in a relationship or married. Helping men overcome and achieve a struggle in their dating life which I knew for far too long and helping men reclaim happiness and true love in their marriages and relationships.

Now it’s becoming navigating these same population of men, who want more out of their single and dating life, or marriages and relationships and at the same time want to truly grow and become into the person and life they truly want to have; this is about personal growth.

This is about growth in all the areas of your life that are truly important to you, as a father, husband, being able to succeed at work, your career, getting in great shape, and oh yeah if you are single, being able to enjoy the single and dating experience.

Being growth oriented is about thinking and feeling what is next

We truly are growth-oriented people. After all, if we weren’t we wouldn't go to the gym, or think of how and when we can go on a fun vacation.

We wouldn’t think about the next part of our lives, where we might live next, what career we might choose, or how we might start a business or advance a career.

Your emotions might be overwhelming in one part of your life, but perfectly cool and optimized in another.

Let’s be realistic, not everyone feels like they need help or frustrated or overwhelmed with emotions in getting in great shape, personal finance, their career/business or their dating and relationship lives. One thing is for sure, I know you came across this post for a reason. Now it’s just asking yourself what the reason is, and if working with me or just even following me is right for you.

One thing I have to reitterate is, it’s not a quick fix. Yes we want the pain, suffering and goal now, but there is no quick fix, so enjoy the journey, come up with the plan, and do the little things, they truly go a long way. They make progress than we think.

Also, don’t feel frustrated by a setback, it’ normal to feel frustrated in our lack of progress and then deterred by setbacks. We get frustrated, scared, and just over it. So when you find yourself having a setback, it’s okay, be kind to yourself, and then resume the plan,, and the little actions. After all the plan and the actions is what took you to where you are today and make that progress.

Let’s look below how look at how personal growth might look in each of the areas of your life now.

Personal Growth in being Single and Dating.

If you’re single, dating, then you are likely looking up how to get more matches, have a better dating profile, and maybe even pick up a book or two on dating and relationships, I know I did.

We are growth oriented, so we do get frustrated swiping on dating apps without the results we want. We want better pictures, not just a bunch of selfies. We are growth oriented that’s why we do feel frustrated when we go out with our friends and can't take the action to say hi to that girl we really want to talk to.

Married? In A Relationship? What does your growth look like? Where are the frustrations?

The reason why you are frustrated, thinking your wife is a bitch, and complaining about it is because we are growth oriented. We don’t want to go from a happy and loving marriage to a mediocre one where we argue frequently, that’s the opposite of growth, or just don’t feel the love, intimacy, and joy in our relationship.

The truth is, the pain you feel that goes along with actions like name calling and that frustrated feeling with anger, is the proof we are growth oriented. After all, if you weren’t growth oriented, would you have really come across a blog like this?

Part of the growth also means doing more of what you love, being in true alignment with the things you really love, whether it is that fun vacation from once a year to maybe going on one twice a year. We also want to grow with our peer group, and the group of others, we want to have better interactions with those around us, whether is co-workers, clients, or even friends.

Personally, I know I want to grow in a way where I can give more to those around me, without feel like I am taking for myself.

How do you want to grow in your relationship (your intimate and personal ones)?

What about you? Maybe you’re in a relationship where you feel like you want to give more, but you have a hard time doing so. Maybe you want to give more financially, or find yourself surrounded by emotions, or external things like why Karl Anthony Towns got his fourth foul in the third quarter?

Maybe you want to give more and grow to others by doing more fun things with your friends or just making it a point to go to dinner or go out once or twice a week with them.

Pay Attention to those recurring thoughts and feelings

The truth is those recurring thoughts, those recurring feelings are the things you overcome once you put pen to paper and take action following the plan. It’s knowing you want to lose 20 pounds, getting on that stair-master and being okay and content you are taking action towards your goals. It’s knowing hey, you are on the path. I’m not there yet, but I am getting there.

Be content that six months from now if you keep doing the little, little things, you will totally feel much better, and closer than where you were six months ago. Six months from now, if you keep up with the small, small things, you’ll drop the 20 pounds, be on that fun vacation, or have it planned, you’ll be giving to others more than you were before and feel totally fulfilled in your purpose in life. It truly is small actions and time that create the change you want.

Have a plan, Use simple Actions, and give it time, and patience.

Keep the plan, and follow through with it, it’s the plan that you know is going to work. Be kind to yourself, after all it’s about the plan and the actions, the emotions will slowly fizzle away, the frustrations will slowly be less with enough time and reptations. Be kind to yourself as you go on the path

You’ll probably notice as you go along you will feel even happier, just seeing and feeling the progress. For example, my frustrations that this draft has been up for several; days, slowly moved to peace and content, as I just sat down to type, write, and put my best into this. Follow your plan and go slow.

If you’re frustrated and want desperately to be able to strike up a conversation with a girl when you go out, follow a plan and execute it 100 times (or whatever) until you are truly ready to follow step two. When is it time for the next step? When step one feels like it’s a breeze and on autopilot, and those emotions go from nervousness, anxiousness, and to calm and indifferent.

What if you Fall Off the Path and Regress?

And if you do fall off the path, relax, you made progress, all you have to do is get back on, just be kind to yourself as you do get back on. If you aren’t kind to yourself, you’ll be feeling the emotions of falling off, rather than the calmness of getting back on the path and following your plan. After all there’s still growth to be had on the path.

Just because you had a bad day, or a bad moment, doesn’t mean the growth stops, and can’t grow anymore. No way, I refuse, if so, then maybe this page isn’t for you. If you do believe the growth is there to be had, even after a step back or two, then keep going.

Let’s keep it real, I have 20 pounds to lose, because a year ago I was in much better shape. I stepped back significantly, but that does not mean, I can’t lose it. It means I messed up and it’s time to get back on the path and slowly walk the path (well go on the stairs, and drink less margaritas, you know what I mean).

In A Relationship: Own Your Bad Moment

For those in a relationship it means, you might have lost your cool with your wife, it’s okay, tell her I’m sorry my bad, I don’t want to do that, I had a bad moment and I’m really sorry. That’s it, call out your bad moment and at the same time know you want to do better. Communicate it to her with ease, clearly, openly and honestly.

Want to know how to do so? Own it, if you own a bad moment, and that you want to do better and truly feel sorry, and know you hurt your wife or girlfriend, then it will come out free flowing and right off the tongue, not like a robot, who is uncertain, tense, with anger and fear.

Do you know how many times I apologize to my girl? Several. Do you know why? Cause I can recognize when I had a bad moment, and it made her feel a certain way. It doesn’t make me less of a person to recognize I hurt her, disappointed her, or an action I did or said, caused her to feel something negative.

I own it. As a result, it comes off free, and natural, not ass kissing, or begging. Fuck that.

Part of your growth to truly be in that awesome relationship or marriage is to own the moments when you disappointed or upset her.

How it might sound for you?

Example: “My bad baby, I shouldn’t have given you a hard time about that, I know I did, and then I made your life harder. I’m sorry.” Boom simple it comes as one line, not an ass-kissing speech. Or if you’d like to go ahead and argue, but if you do, then you really aren’t interested in growth and making that marriage or relationship fun and loving.

Now it’s time for you to figure it out, just a little.

Now it’s time to put pen to paper and go ahead with some actionable items you can use today to immediately facilitate your growth. To immediately start that path, or as I like to say take that first drag of the foot forward. Guys use these action items as a guide based on where you are in your life now, what your goals are, and implementing a daily habit or two that can you move your life forward.

Please for the love, do not think of this as an etched in stone action plan.

I went ahead and divided each goal into its own little area of focus or growth, or as I like to say, each burner on the stove top. Go ahead read a long and see where your emotions and frustrations are and see what little thing you can do today, to know you took that little actionable item.

Our Four Pillars:

1. Health: Getting in Great Shape,

2. Financial: Money for a Fun Goal You have in Mind (Vacation, or down payment on a car, paying off debt).

3. Purpose/Career: Moving your career forward

4. Abundance: Enjoying your Dating and Relationship Life (single, in a relationship or married).

Small disclaimer, if you feel there are two areas or three or even all four, and you can do one little thing in more than area above, than go do it. Do what you know you can, while knowing it is still moving your life forward.

A: Goal Getting in Great Shape

Pick an extra ten minutes to add to your workout.
a. Maybe it’s ten minutes extra of cardio, ten minutes or one more exercise for a muscle group, or ten minutes of abs each day. (cardio, abs, one more muscle group exercise).
Pick a piece of cardio to do in the gym for 30 minutes either before work or after work, then do it again, then again, try it again and again for a week.
a. Ask yourself, how would you feel if I went to the gym for 30 minutes a day for a week straight? Chances are you’d answer, “I’d feel great.

B. Go on that fun vacation with girlfriend, friends, or yourself

Deposit 1-5% of your net monthly pay right now into a savings account for that vacation.
Speak to your wife, girlfriend, or friends about a fun place you want to go on vacation. Make a plan to get together and talk about where you guys might want to go. Just put in in the room with your wife, girlfriend or friends.

C. Move forward in your business or career, defining your purpose

Study 15 minutes a day for an upcoming exam/test certification
Extra 10 minutes a day of cold calls if you are in sales.
Update your resume on Indeed.
Write down a list of ten places you can work that are hiring (if you need a job or want one).

D. Relationships/Dating

Single: Approach one girl, tell her she’s super cute and ask for her name.
a. Do this once per day for a week, I guarantee you will feel awesome after a week, more confident and moving past the anxiety of asking girls out. Using the dating apps for this for your dating life should be an enhancement, not a means to an end.
Single: Call that girl you like, went on a couple of dates with and own your intent.
a. Own it: Hey, you were on my mind, I was thinking about you.
b. Bla, Bla, Bla,
c. I had fun the other night and want to see you, when are you free?
d. Then zip it and see what she says.
e. Notice: I said call not text, that’s decisive, purposeful and yes masculine.
In A Relationship: Plan a Fun Date for your girl or your wife.
a. Food Festival, Favorite bar, or Favorite Dessert.
b. Literally google search a place that has her favorite dish, cocktail, or even dessert.
**: Yes babe, I have googled searched bread pudding before.
In A Relationship: Look your wife or girl right in the eye when you come home, smile and grab her with a big kiss.
a. It’s that look that say’s nothing is more important to me right now, then just looking at you, giving you a kiss, and asking how your day was.
b. Then after you asked you better to shut up and listen.
Parents: Pick a day or time to hangout for an hour or two with your parents and just enjoy a nice meal together and some quality time.
a. It’s hard, arguably the hardest one, it’s a real bullet to bite, but on matter what, more importantly, they will always be your mom and dad, so no matter what always their son or daughter be.
Friends: Pick a day, time, and place to go out with a friend, even just grabbing a drink and catching up.
a. Pick something you really want to do or go, go see your favorite cover band, go to your favorite spot out, or somewhere close just to have dinner, a drink and catch up.
You being on this page means you aleadry thought about these changes
The cool thing is if you are reading this, you’re thinking about it. You’re thinking about these changes, the pain it is causing you and also the growth, success and progress you will feel when you do make them, just knowing you are on the path to true progress, growth and development.
You are already self-aware and motivated, now it’s just time to do it, the easiest, littlest and smallest ones to start.
Don’t be a robot with these changes: Make them in a way that truly fits your growth and progress.
One more thing, if you choose to follow along with these changes, don’t be a robot and feel the need to do the ones you do decide exactly, make them applicable to you; where you are, and what is next for you in your progress, your first step, or as I like to say, your first drag of the foot.
I learned the hard way that taking, learning, and absorbing information, is truly learning it and applying it, not become a rigid, inflexible, robot. It makes you feel unnatural and creates even more resistance to your growth.
The trick is to make these changes for you, in a way that is natural, progressive, easy and free flowing for you.
As a therapist, it's my job to help you let it out (your frustrations, your pain points, and your wants, goals, desires) and then figure it out. The cool thing is the more work we do on the front end, the less work we do on the back end.
Ask yourself: Where do you want to be Six Months from Now?
That’s why I always say to clients, “Where do you want to be six months from now?” I want that answer to roll right off your tongue, each and every session. If you don’t know then we have to figure it out, if you do know, then all we need is time, patience, and simple actions.
Six Months from now I want your smiling, enjoying life, progressing and nowhere near my office or webpage.
I want you out of my office, feeling so good that you can handle anything that comes your way, and you can do it all yourself when it comes new goals, and challenges you have in your life. Even if you haven’t reached all of your goals yet, I want you knowing you know exactly what to do to get there and are well on your way.
The habits and small actions, become automatic, routine at your disposal. the action steps, once they become daily, routine, and automatic, you start to figure out exactly what tools to use, new things to adapt, and actions you can take for your new problems, challenges, and goals.
IF you want to connect, reach out or work with me.
If any of this hit’s home, feel free to reach out and connect with me via email. Ask me anything here. Click here.
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If you’d like, take advantage of my free consultation. It’s a chance for you to tell me your story and see if working together might help reach all of those goals, dreams, wants, and desires. You can click here to book a free consultation. Click Here.
Dating and Relationship Services:
If you are interested in any of my free services, you can check out my Six Part Personal Growth and Dating Profile Series Here. Each Blog Post is a complete step by step information of how to truly optimize your dating profile. Click here to check out each detailed blog post.
Picture 1: Your Rooftop Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/online-dating-profile-the-rooftop-picture
Picture 2: Your Social Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/online-dating-picture-number-two-the-social-picture
Picture 3: Your Vacation Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/online-dating-picture-number-three-your-vacation-picture
Picture 4: Your Steak Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/dating-profile-picture-steakhouse-picture
Picture 5: Your Boxing Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/picture-number-five-your-boxing-picture
Picture Number 6: Your Hobby Picture: Dating Profile Picture Number Six: Your Hobby Picture. — Dating and Relationship Services
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Lastly thanks for reading this blog post, my goal, intent and purpose to truly share these and publish these blog posts as shared experiences, so those who do want to grow and remove those frustrations and pain points in any area of their life can truly do so.
Then we can follow up together, interact, share, exchange ideas, successes, setbacks, and just keep it real, and as I like to say shoot the crap.
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Thanks guys.
Joe, The Therapist.

Joseph Gherman

A Therapist Guide in Personal Growth and Development.

Growth is changes, time and simple actions.

Getting clear about these changes is simply a matter of you listening to yourself, your voice, your frustrations, and the things we tell ourselves over and over again.

Emotions Crowd Our Plate; Actions Make it Clearer.

The truth is emotions crown our plate, while the actions we decide to take, make our plate clear. These actions create a purpose and direction for the changes we need to make and ultimately growing into the person you want to become.

By using infinite patience, time, and simple actions these small changes help us truly navigate the success we want and happiness we want.

I know the experience of being frustrated in dating, not having the type of relationship I truly wanted. I also know what it’s like to not just be able to say, sure let’s hope on a plane, or get in the car and go here for a night or fun vacation, or work where are aren’t welcomed.

My goal with this blog and series is simply to point it out, and help you take the little actions that truly move your life forward, whether it is making your marriage better, dating the type of girl you really want to date, or going on that dream vacation.

It’s your job to let out, it’s our job to figure it out.

To truly serve you, this business has to grow in how it serves you.

Now it’s becoming navigating these same population of men, who want more out of their single and dating life, or marriages and relationships and at the same time want to truly grow and become into the person and life they truly want to have; this is about personal growth.

This is about growth in all the areas of your life that are truly important to you, as a father, husband, being able to succeed at work, your career, getting in great shape, and oh yeah if you are single, being able to enjoy the single and dating experience.

Being growth oriented is about thinking and feeling what is next

We truly are growth-oriented people. After all, if we weren’t we wouldn't go to the gym, or think of how and when we can go on a fun vacation.

We wouldn’t think about the next part of our lives, where we might live next, what career we might choose, or how we might start a business or advance a career.

Your emotions might be overwhelming in one part of your life, but perfectly cool and optimized in another.

One thing I have to reitterate is, it’s not a quick fix. Yes we want the pain, suffering and goal now, but there is no quick fix, so enjoy the journey, come up with the plan, and do the little things, they truly go a long way. They make progress than we think.

Let’s look below how look at how personal growth might look in each of the areas of your life now.

Personal Growth in being Single and Dating.

If you’re single, dating, then you are likely looking up how to get more matches, have a better dating profile, and maybe even pick up a book or two on dating and relationships, I know I did.

Married? In A Relationship? What does your growth look like? Where are the frustrations?

The truth is, the pain you feel that goes along with actions like name calling and that frustrated feeling with anger, is the proof we are growth oriented. After all, if you weren’t growth oriented, would you have really come across a blog like this?

Personally, I know I want to grow in a way where I can give more to those around me, without feel like I am taking for myself.

How do you want to grow in your relationship (your intimate and personal ones)?

What about you? Maybe you’re in a relationship where you feel like you want to give more, but you have a hard time doing so. Maybe you want to give more financially, or find yourself surrounded by emotions, or external things like why Karl Anthony Towns got his fourth foul in the third quarter?

Maybe you want to give more and grow to others by doing more fun things with your friends or just making it a point to go to dinner or go out once or twice a week with them.

Pay Attention to those recurring thoughts and feelings

Have a plan, Use simple Actions, and give it time, and patience.

What if you Fall Off the Path and Regress?

Just because you had a bad day, or a bad moment, doesn’t mean the growth stops, and can’t grow anymore. No way, I refuse, if so, then maybe this page isn’t for you. If you do believe the growth is there to be had, even after a step back or two, then keep going.

In A Relationship: Own Your Bad Moment

Want to know how to do so? Own it, if you own a bad moment, and that you want to do better and truly feel sorry, and know you hurt your wife or girlfriend, then it will come out free flowing and right off the tongue, not like a robot, who is uncertain, tense, with anger and fear.

I own it. As a result, it comes off free, and natural, not ass kissing, or begging. Fuck that.

Part of your growth to truly be in that awesome relationship or marriage is to own the moments when you disappointed or upset her.

How it might sound for you?

Now it’s time for you to figure it out, just a little.

Please for the love, do not think of this as an etched in stone action plan.

I went ahead and divided each goal into its own little area of focus or growth, or as I like to say, each burner on the stove top. Go ahead read a long and see where your emotions and frustrations are and see what little thing you can do today, to know you took that little actionable item.

Our Four Pillars:

1. Health: Getting in Great Shape,

2. Financial: Money for a Fun Goal You have in Mind (Vacation, or down payment on a car, paying off debt).

3. Purpose/Career: Moving your career forward

4. Abundance: Enjoying your Dating and Relationship Life (single, in a relationship or married).

Small disclaimer, if you feel there are two areas or three or even all four, and you can do one little thing in more than area above, than go do it. Do what you know you can, while knowing it is still moving your life forward.

A: Goal Getting in Great Shape

Pick an extra ten minutes to add to your workout.

a. Maybe it’s ten minutes extra of cardio, ten minutes or one more exercise for a muscle group, or ten minutes of abs each day. (cardio, abs, one more muscle group exercise).

Pick a piece of cardio to do in the gym for 30 minutes either before work or after work, then do it again, then again, try it again and again for a week.

a. Ask yourself, how would you feel if I went to the gym for 30 minutes a day for a week straight? Chances are you’d answer, “I’d feel great.

B. Go on that fun vacation with girlfriend, friends, or yourself

Deposit 1-5% of your net monthly pay right now into a savings account for that vacation.

Speak to your wife, girlfriend, or friends about a fun place you want to go on vacation. Make a plan to get together and talk about where you guys might want to go. Just put in in the room with your wife, girlfriend or friends.

C. Move forward in your business or career, defining your purpose

Study 15 minutes a day for an upcoming exam/test certification

Extra 10 minutes a day of cold calls if you are in sales.

Update your resume on Indeed.

Write down a list of ten places you can work that are hiring (if you need a job or want one).

D. Relationships/Dating

Single: Approach one girl, tell her she’s super cute and ask for her name.

a. Do this once per day for a week, I guarantee you will feel awesome after a week, more confident and moving past the anxiety of asking girls out. Using the dating apps for this for your dating life should be an enhancement, not a means to an end.

Single: Call that girl you like, went on a couple of dates with and own your intent.

a. Own it: Hey, you were on my mind, I was thinking about you.

b. Bla, Bla, Bla,

c. I had fun the other night and want to see you, when are you free?

d. Then zip it and see what she says.

e. Notice: I said call not text, that’s decisive, purposeful and yes masculine.

In A Relationship: Plan a Fun Date for your girl or your wife.

a. Food Festival, Favorite bar, or Favorite Dessert.

b. Literally google search a place that has her favorite dish, cocktail, or even dessert.

**: Yes babe, I have googled searched bread pudding before.

In A Relationship: Look your wife or girl right in the eye when you come home, smile and grab her with a big kiss.

a. It’s that look that say’s nothing is more important to me right now, then just looking at you, giving you a kiss, and asking how your day was.

b. Then after you asked you better to shut up and listen.

Parents: Pick a day or time to hangout for an hour or two with your parents and just enjoy a nice meal together and some quality time.

a. It’s hard, arguably the hardest one, it’s a real bullet to bite, but on matter what, more importantly, they will always be your mom and dad, so no matter what always their son or daughter be.

Friends: Pick a day, time, and place to go out with a friend, even just grabbing a drink and catching up.

a. Pick something you really want to do or go, go see your favorite cover band, go to your favorite spot out, or somewhere close just to have dinner, a drink and catch up.

You being on this page means you aleadry thought about these changes

The cool thing is if you are reading this, you’re thinking about it. You’re thinking about these changes, the pain it is causing you and also the growth, success and progress you will feel when you do make them, just knowing you are on the path to true progress, growth and development.

You are already self-aware and motivated, now it’s just time to do it, the easiest, littlest and smallest ones to start.