Why what you feel like doing, isn’t as important in the world of dating and relationships?
First, let’s keep it real.
After shoveling a whole lot of snow, do I feel like putting this blog down on paper? Absolutely not. At the same time, what’s more important, I’m physically tired, and don’t feel like doing it, or I made a commitment to myself to publish a blog for thirty straight days. Why did I make that commitment? Because I needed to see what I could give myself, what I had to offer and could tap into to publish a blog for thirty straight days.
Why? Because If I could use my own resourcefulness to publish a blog post for thirty straight days, then I can use it to figure out the mechanics of this business. But that’s enough about me? What about you?
If you are reading this, I truly hope the person you want to become, and the challenges you want to work through are more important than what you feel like or don’t feel like doing in a given moment.
Let’s take a look at how this plays out in the world of being single and dating.
If you are single and dating and see that girl at the bar you really want to talk to, then chances are if you are reading this, you may have that moment of weakness, where you want to say hello, but also feel like not going up there.
This is navigating the person you want to become, the challenge you want to work through, so you can feel in control of your dating life, versus those feelings that make you stop and not go up there. Hopefully you want to go up there, say, “You’re cute, what’s your name,” because you are tired of going out and having that same feeling, and experiencing that same frustrating moment of inaction.
Let’s be honest, you can’t control the response, but you can control how you show up as a man, for yourself. That makes you feel better, and in charge of your dating life, even successful, why? Because you showed up for yourself.
Want to see how this relates to the world of this business: I can’t control how many google searches this blog posts get, but I can feel better by taking action to write it, and publish it, and knowing I did what I had to do for my business today. So guys, do what you have to do for your dating life.
If you are single and dating, you might not FEEL like calling that girl you went out with last week. But hopefully being assertive, direct, decisive, and showing up for you and her like the man you are is more important, than FEELING nervous, awkward and weird about the potential conversation or her rejecting you or not even picking up.
Full disclaimer: I’m a therapist but also a person, who has been there and done that, and won the trophy for both of those things, but I’ve also worked through them, and hopefully you want to as well. Once you get into the habit of taking that action in that moment, then we really can get into what to say, and what not to say, but it does start with that initial action. You have to be willing to take that first step, repeatedly.
What about how it looks in a relationship?
You might really feel like acting or really acting on that urge to say, “Hey, what's up” or, “Having fun,” Or “Hey babe, just thinking about you.” Please do not do this! This is needy behavior based on how you feel in a moment.
I get it, and can relate, it sucks, but just because your girl is on vacation, or with her friends, its doesn’t mean you call or text for no reason because you FEEL a certain way.
The fact and truth is if you want a healthy, loving, awesome, relationship, that time and space away is freaking important, so please chill the F out, it’s hard, and don’t call or text them when they are out or away. Please for the love!
Lastly for the married men.
I get it, your wife might make you feel angry, at times you might feel you are in a verbal sparring session when you get home.
Here’s my thing, just because you FEEL like saying something, losing your cool, or getting angry, doesn’t mean it’s okay to either lose your cool, get angry, or call your wife a name?
Why? Because none of those things are going to make your marriage any better, they are only going to make your marriage worse. Those things are never a part of the solution. And if you are married, and reading this, I hope you can recognize some of your faults, want to do better, and know losing your cool is only hurting your marriage.
You might FEEL like calling your wife a name, or saying something, or going back and forth, that is fine if you do. BUT! If you want a truly loving, healthy marriage then don’t. You can’t just do it because you feel like it, and feel like she pissed you off.
Here’s how I work with you.
Guys, as a therapist I love working with men who need to navigate what they want out of their dating, relationship and married life, versus what feelings come up that prevent them from having what they want. I work with you to navigate the action you want to take, the outcome you want, versus what feelings come up that stop you from taking that action.
Here’s the cool thing, if you can navigate what you feel, versus the action you need to take (or in the case of the men in a relationship, it’s inaction usually), then you can navigate this in other areas of your life, that moment of feeling like it, versus what you need to do.
You can navigate it in going to the gym, saving money for that fun vacation, or advancing your career, and starting your business.
To follow along with me
Guys, if this blog post hits home and you are inclined, you can click the link below to subscribe to my therapy and coaching newsletter. Click here
If you are single and dating
And want to work on your dating profile, you can click Below, to check out the links, to detailed articles on exactly which dating profile pictures to take, and how to make them for you. You can read each picture and article below.
Picture 1: Your Rooftop Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/online-dating-profile-the-rooftop-picture
Picture 2: Your Social Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/online-dating-picture-number-two-the-social-picture
Picture 3: Your Vacation Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/online-dating-picture-number-three-your-vacation-picture
Picture 4: Your Steak Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/dating-profile-picture-steakhouse-picture
Picture 5: Your Boxing Picture: https://www.datingandrelationship.services/blog-dating-and-relationships/picture-number-five-your-boxing-picture
Picture 6: Your Hobby Picture: Dating Profile Picture Number Six: Your Hobby Picture. — Dating and Relationship Services
Want to work with me?
Click here to schedule a free consultation to see if working together is a good fit for you. Click Here.
I am available for in person sessions in Staten Island, NY, and virtually on the Googlemeet platform.
